Hurt, Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2012
Hurt, Confused
7
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 2:31pm

Hi,

I have been with this guy for 2 years now. He has a baby but since he is with me she doesn't want the baby to come around if I'm there. At times I can tell that it really bothers him but I can't really understand how it feels because I don't have child. It seems like ever 3 months he gets really stressed about everything in his life and he takes it out on me. I support him in any and everything he does. He say I know you got my back and u would do anything for me but he can't do it anymore. Every 2 to 3 months I get this same excuse and then a  week later we back together and then the cycle repeats his self. I'm always the one who mends our relationship back together. I love him and I want to help with whatever it is but he always push me away. I told him this time I will never forgive him for this. I don't know if this whole situation is my fault for always going back to him even when he's the one that breaks up with me. If I'm such a girl friend then why does he push me away? What is the problem is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 9:57am
Hi Brooke, I can understand your hurt and frustration. I wonder if your BF has relationship issues, perhaps he feels unlovable? There are some people that will push others away because they fear you will leave them eventually, so they push and pick until the relationship ends, to prove they are right.

Would your BF consider couples counseling? It has to be extremely hard for him in regards to visiting his child, but HE has to stand up to his ex and not let her run his life. If your BF can not stand up for his rights, his ex will do this with any woman that enters his life. If that is the case you maybe wiser to move on. Your BF needs to pull his end of the weight in regards to dealing with his visitation rights.

Good luck!

~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 5:10am

Brooke, the short answer is "he's just not that into you".    If a guy adores you, he will make you part of his life and never risk losing you.

Or, if you want the long answer: the reason people don't let their kids meet new partners is either because they don't want the kids to become attached and then be hurt when the relationship ends.... or....it's because they don't want to upset their ex.    Relating this to you; if the problem is the former, it means that after TWO YEARS he still doesn't know if you're the one.   If the problem is the latter, it means he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his ex.   Either way, it's not good.  And yes, I do have kids.

As far as him breaking up and getting back together again - it doesn't matter WHY he does it.  The important thing is how you choose to deal with it.   At present, his behaviour is clearly acceptable to you because you keep going back for more of the same.    So, I guess the proper WHY question to ask is "why on earth do you take him back when you know he'll just do this to you again?"   

You say you love him....but he doesn't love you.  Or at least, not in the way a woman deserves to be loved.

Go to counselling.  But go on your own.   Find out where your self esteem has gone and why you love a guy who only gives you crumbs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 6:00pm

>>He is still involved with this baby's mother. Whenever he's been with her, he picks a fight with you and tells you "I can't do this..." Then he has a falling out with her and contacts you, and you play your part in taking him back, etc., etc., until the next time he's been with her again and the whole process starts over and over.<<

Kendahke, I'm wondering where you found this information.  Are there other posts on other boards with more history?   More information may change my perspective.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:18am

The problem is him, not you. he can't make up his mind what he wants. That leaves you as the vicitim of his indecision. I am glad you told him this is the last time you will come back to him. There are plenty of other guys out there who will not treat you this way, and will make you their number one priority. You don't need and don't deserve to be number 2.