A hurt friendship?
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A hurt friendship?
| Mon, 01-05-2004 - 11:10am |
I'm so confused, I'm hoping I can hear other people's input about my situation. My best friend went out to the bar a few nights ago with another friend of ours, I didn't go because I was out with my boyfriend. Well, my ex boyfriend (we went out for 4 years and I am very sensitive when it comes to him, as him with me) DJ's at the bar they went to and to make a long story fairly short, she ended up getting really drunk because people were buying her drinks, my ex being one of them... Her and my ex ended up flirting and even kissed quick. After the kiss, she became very upset and told him that it wasn't right because it wouldn't be fair to me. She told him that our friendship (her and I) meant a lot to her and she didn't want to hurt me and didn't want to lost me as a friend. My ex responded with "Well, she's got a fiance, it shouldn't bother her, and if it does, that means she is not over me." It's been 2 1/2 years since my ex and I have been broken up and I've been with my fiance now for about the same amount of time. I'm over my ex, however I will always have a special spot for him in my heart, I do not ever want to be in a romantic relationship with him again. I am happy with the man I'm with now. My best friend and I have had conversations about our exes, and we've both told each other that it would bother me if she flirted with my ex and it would bother her if I were to flirt with her ex and we've both said that it is disrespecful to flirt with each other's past boyfriends because it's just not right. My ex Gary knows that Sue is my best friend and her and I go to that club every Thursday night to go dancing. Gary tried very hard to charm her and he kept asking her to give him a chance and he really laid it on thick, but Sue continued to say no and that it was right. She went on about how I meant so much to her and she just couldn't hurt me that way and how it would be awkward and just not right. I'm glad she did that but I can't help but feel hurt that Sue even flirted with him. She admitted to me that she flirted heavily with him and said sorry and said she felt very bad about it. I know that I should be thankful that nothing more happened and that she said no to him, but I just feel hurt that she smacked his butt and was dirty dancing with him. I feel betrayed. But some of my other friends told me that I shouldn't feel that way, and that I should commend her for being a loyal friend. I'm confused. As for Gary, him and I are on good terms. However, he had a very difficult time getting over me and I often wonder if he REALLY is over me... I don't know if this was an attempt to hurt me, or if he just felt like getting laid, or if it's his way of trying to still be close to me, by trying to go out with one of my friends. It angers me that he tried to get with her knowing that she is my friend, I would never go for one of his friends because it's just disrespectful. What do you think about all this?? I will appcriate any advice/thoughts given!

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I have an ex who was the love of my life, the one that got away and we are still friends. If my friend wanted to date him, and him her, I'd say go for it. I'm completely over it and although it might be strange for me, I'd get over it for the sake of their happiness. There was a time where it would've bothered me like crazy. Looking back, it would've been because I still secretly wanted him and would've wondered "what does she have to give him that I don't?" Even if I HADN'T still wanted him, I would have immaturely wanted him to pine for me. It was a selfish immature way of thinking and an immature way of feeding my own ego.
Either way, she feels bad and apologized so I'd just let it go.
Carrie
I think it is more about the fact that she is "sleeping with the enemy" (without the sleeping), than because she is upset with her for her choices.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
Edited 1/7/2004 2:32:53 PM ET by blondie0506
Does that make sense to you? Certainly doesn't make any sense to me.
Glad you've resolved things though.
I still say that what your ex and your friend do, shouldn't bother you this long after you've been broken up. I don't buy the abuse story. But that's just me.
Peace - Pebbles
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