Husband of 27 years in love with another
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Husband of 27 years in love with another
| Thu, 03-13-2008 - 8:32pm |
Hi I will try yo make this short...My husband of 27 years has moved in with another woman.

Welcome to the board maryleesimmons,
Well, it's sad, but it sounds like he LOVES having the attention and affection of two women. It strokes his ego.
This is rough and I'm sorry you have to go through it. Sometimes men leave at a mid life point such as this, perhaps because they want more sex, or to feel more wanted as you said. Things build up over the years and suddenly someone else appears on the scene and ignites lots of buried feelings. I have no idea how this will work out in the long run and neither do you. Clearly he is going through conflict now, but you can't just wait around and "hope" it will turn your way. You are right to have sex with him while he is with someone else. Also, problems that are deep and have taken time to develop don't usually just resolve on their own. If he mentions wanting to return again, perhaps you could suggest that the two you see a well trained marriage counsellor or therapist. Let him know that both of you need professional assistance in sorting out all that has gone on.
If he doesn't do this, or bring it up, it still might be a good idea for you to see someone for yourself. There are lots of years spent here and quite a bit of confusion about how to proceede now. Rather than be a "supportive friend", why not let him have the full experience of depending and being with this other woman completely. Let him miss you. Let him see what she can actually provide. If he's living there, there's no reason for you to be a supportive friend now. By doing that, you're not giving him a chance to see the real effects of losing you and having to depend fully on her. Of course you can relate vis a vis the children, but I'd step it back a pace or two. Polite, but not a supportive friend at this point.
Right now you have to re-build your own life and move forward. Don't wait around for him. You have a right and need to see others, build friendships, and act as though this is over, because as things are going now, it is. There's no reason for him to have you hanging there waiting. It's also better for him psychology to know that he could lose you, and realize what he's giving up.
So, get some help, go forward, date others, focus on your own self worth and learn what you can from this experience. If he truly wants you back, he'll come after you. And he'll work on the marriage. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.
Best wishes,
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