Husband accused of Sexual Harrassment

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Husband accused of Sexual Harrassment
2
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:18am
My husband came home from work the other day and told me that a woman that he works with accused him of sexual harrassment and my life has been a nightmare ever since. She has not accused him of coming on to her, or making any kind of advances, physical or verbal. She accused him of saying something that offended her.

Lest you blame by husband right off the bat, his accusor happens to be a rude, cruce person herself, sprinkling her sentances with "tits", "ass", and sexual innuendos at the work place. She has a doormat to her office that says "Nice Underwear", I suppose implying that she has a mirror or something to see peoples underwear that walk in the door. She has been over heard to say to coworkers "If you were married to me, I'd wear you out in the bedroom".

So, my husband was guily of joining in. I suppose since she is free with sexual comments, he felt a little too free. However, she hasn't said specifically what offended her or when. So he doesn't really know what happened. And they were buddies at work before this happened.

He said he almost cried at work when his manager and human resourc person told him. He's feeling awful about this, as well as angry and frustrated. He resigned from his job, and doesn't have another one yet. He's been meaning to pursue a new career, so we boost ourselves up by saying "this is a blessing in disguies", "if this never happened, you'd never take the chance on trying out something else".

But still, I'm upset with him. I try to be supportive. My husband is a wonderful man in so many ways and treats me so well. But even before this happened, I have thought he was a bit of an innocent pervert. He talks about sex a little too much, and it does offend me. Over the years this has been an issue that has come up and gone away, I suppose as much with me sometimes tolerating it, ignoring it, and/or him toning it down.

So, tonight, we're sleeping in seperate bedrooms. I said a few things that were not very supportive, and he's upset. So, I'm in the guest bedroom, drinking wine and typing.

The same week that happened, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and my step father diagnosed with 6 clogged arteries. I walk around with a lump in my throat all day long.

I alternatly think, this is the last straw, he is too much of a burden for me to deal with. Then I think "I'll be strong and stand by my man. We'll get through this". But somehow, during just a "checking up on him" phone call, I end up saying something like "you also have to make sure you watch what you say in front of my co-workers". To which he replys "Then I guess you agree with Ms. X, that I am guilty". And it just degrades from there.

Ironically, we're going on a "romantic" second honeymoon in 4 days, which I am really dreading. It's my sisters first week of chemo, and with all this stuff going on, I really fear that this trip will be a nightmare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:02am
You've been going through a lot lately! I'm sorry for all the turmoil! I wish I knew something to say that could really help. I can say that from the sound of it, your husband sounds basically innocent. Still, I'm considered more sensitive than most, so too much sex talks gets to me, too. It sounds like the woman who accused him should be looking at herself more. I do wonder why your husband just resigned, however. Have you asked anyone for yourself what happened, or just taken his word for it? I took my ex-husband's word for things and have since learned he lied all the time. So I'm not judging you, but I think it'd be something to think about.

It could be that this is a blessing in disguise for you both. It sounds like with all the troubles you're having that it's a character building experience. There's a Bible verse that says, "After you have suffered awhile, God will stablish, strengthen, settle you." So keep the faith! Sometimes the things that seem to be the hardest result in the greatest blessings. Take care and keep us posted. Best wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:47pm

Not that this will help you sleep at night, but I can almost see the scenario play itself out inside my head...I think it was probably innocent teasing that went too far.As in, she usually welcomes this type of attention, but decided against it for some reason that day. I think not supporting him through al of this is wrong.Those vows included for better or worse, richer or poorer...NOT untill one of you becomes a burden.


I can fully understand why you are upset by al of this and may have certain assum,ptions, but you need to be there for him.Communication needs to be real clear between both of you.He needs to understand that whathe did was wrong and put both of you in an unfair position, both financially and emotionally. You need to undersdtand that if he could go back and change things, im sure he would, but he doesnt have that opportunity.help make this better.