Husband Addicted to Porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Husband Addicted to Porn
3
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 1:34pm
Help! Has anyone been in this situation before? I have been married for over 10 years. My husband is addicted to porn. He goes through cycles of being a happily married guy and great dad to our two children, and then becoming distant and secretive towards me. I discover his porn, then confront him. I don't really care if he has porn; I fully care about the lies he feels compelled to tell me concering porn. I always give him another chance to change his ways - he always says he will stop the lying. He doesn't. This has been going on for 7 years (that I know of). I have no idea where to go from here. I want him in my life, but I am not sure if he will ever fully want me in his life.

Can anyone give me any insight?



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:14pm
Although I don't have personal experience about your situation, this is a wide-spread problem on these boards, so don't feel that you are alone. My only advice is that your husband has an addiction, just like drugs, smoking or any other addiction. He hasn't been able to kick it in all these years, so he needs professional help in order to do so. He can't stop his obsession any more than a person can get up one day and just decide never to shoot up again or smoke again. It takes a lot more than that to break an addiction. It takes someone with professional expertise and guidance to help make it happen. Best of luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:19pm
I think I can speak for most of us regarding this topic. My partner collects porn also and it really doesn't bother me for the most part. It is a great way to spice things up in the bedroom. Ask him if you can watch one together. A man's fasination with sex is one thing that will always be quite baffling to me. He can spend hours on the computer downloading files, etc., and all I end up feeling is frustration and just a little bit of pity. Especially when I'm doing housework and he's surfing the net. I just think to myself how pathetic it must be that the only thing that brings you joy is PORN!?!?! Ask him to include you (if you feel comfortable with that) it may help things! Also let him know that you don't mind it. Maybe he knows that if he tells you the truth you'll be mad at him. And everyone knows when mamma ain't happy - ain't NOBODY happy.........
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 3:25pm
Thank you for replying - I honestly have felt quite lost in all of this mess. We have gone the "watch one together" route. It actually was o.k. Wierd at first, then sort of a mystery science theater with our comments, laughter and remarks about the movie. My main concern is his need to lie about the porn he looks at. Honestly, this is the only subject that has caused fights in our marriage! Sure, we get into tiffs over the normal married things, but this just keeps surfacing! Last night he finally admitted that he is addicted. I am ready to leave him if he does not get help for this...he is finally taking steps towards getting help.

You are so correct about momma being happy! I am furious with his lying. Our older child (6) knows something us up, and that breaks my heart. I am so angry with him for putting our family through this. The children do not understand why momma is unhappy, and I certainly am not going to tell them the reason.

Have you been in this situation?