Husband addicted to TV

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Husband addicted to TV
12
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:10pm
my husband is addicted to television. he has a dvr and records every single show he has room for. he watches tv from the second he gets home until 2am! i feel like i am in this marriage alone. the only time i get any attention from him is when hes hungry or thirsty. he doesn't understand that i feel neglected and ignored. i try to sit next to him and lean on him for a hug, and all i get is a half-assed arm around my shoulders. we barely even have sex anymore. i practically have to beg for it! i even put on those lingerie outfits he likes so much, and flaunt around him in it, but he only starts paying attention when his tv show is over. if he actually goes to the bedroom, its to watch tv before going to bed. i go to sleep alone, wake up alone, and spend all evening alone. he doesn't play with our dogs anymore, and he's become such a couch potato that over the past 4 years, he has gained around 80 pounds. i go to the gym every day and i beg him to come with me for the sake of his health and to be able to spend some time with him and he refuses. he just gives me some BS excuse as to why he can't go. I am so sick of playing 2nd banana to his television that i am considering leaving him. he always promised to cut down on his tv time, but never does. i dont know what to do anymore. we have only been married for 6 months. please help me. i dont want to get divorced. i love this man so much and he can be so much fun to be around like he was when we first met.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:33pm

Hi ortalkavon and welcome to the board.


Dealing with addiction is difficult at best, especially when the person doesn't want to acknowledge it or do anything about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:41pm
Yes, i threatened and yelled and tried to reason and begged. He always promises that he will change but he doesn't. I am so sick of this. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I'm a good looking girl with a pretty decent body WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM! What guy wouldn't want that? His performance in bed has been lacking a lot, probably bc of his weight and lack of ability to focus on anything but csi: miami, and I have mentioned it to him, but I never mentioned that I am downright miserable in bed. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He is the type that gets offended very easily and tends to misread a lot of things. Hell, I dont complain about his performance bc if i do, i won't get anything. so i might as well take what i can get. but the bottom line is the tv addiction. i know that if he stops watching so much tv, he will naturally take more of an interest in the bedroom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:01pm
Was he always like this? If not, when did he start withdrawing into tv?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:02pm

I hear you. And I totally get it. LOL - sorry I can't help but laugh you wrote that so well.


Would it cause a 'meltdown' if you unplugged everything and nothing taped, or took a fuse out of the box?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:03pm
he started obsessing about 2 years ago. We have been together for almost 4 and a half years, and have been married for 6 months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:12pm
believe me, i've tried to sabotage the tv. if he finds out that i had something to do with it, he will go INSANE. I even "forgot" to pay the time warner bill this month so that they would disconnect the service. But they haven't done it yet. even when they do, he will be on the phone within the 15 seconds it takes him to dial their number to submit a payment.
Last night, I told him I am sick of playing 2nd banana to csi: miami and smallville. I have barely spoken a word to him since then. He came to bed last night and said "so do you have anything to say?" i told him "no. ive told you what i needed to say. i have nothing more to say to you".
i hate being upset with him. last night i even went to my moms ALONE to see my uncle and aunt who came all the way from israel yesterday while he sat at home to watch boston legal. i felt so stupid having to make excuses to everyone as to why ely didnt come see them. i even had to lie and say he was sick and not feeling well. i don't want to end this marriage bc i know what a wonderful and fun person he can be, just like he was when we met. i'm so heartbroken that i have been replaced by a big silver box from costco.
Avatar for sullengurl
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 4:30pm
I'm sorry you feel replaced:( That is so sad! Did something happen 2 years ago that you can see might have something to do with this addiction? Addiction is a scary thing because people seem to lose control of themselves after awhile. I know you don't want to leave. YOu have only been married 6 months...have you noticed a change for the worse after the marriage?

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 4:33pm

From your description, your husband seems to show some signs of depression, which could explain the personality change, the lack of energy to do anything but watch TV, the weird sleeping hours, his inability to concentrate and his weight gain. When was the last time he spoke with his doctor?

Also, I don't think yelling, nagging and threats are going to help at this point. He's not stupid, he already knows this bothers you. By yelling at him, you're only making him resent you which will cause him to become even more addicted to the TV. Plus, if you keep making threats that you don't carry out, he won't take you seriously.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 4:38pm

It sounds to me as though your husband is caught in a depression and is using TV to escape his life. The TV has become an addiction to block out everything else. He needs professional, psychological treatment, and you are right, you cannot remain in a marriage alone. Not only is in unfair to you, but it is a sign of something deeply bothering him. Let him know that this situation cannot go on any longer as it is, that the two of you have to go to a marriage counsellor for starters, and that he needs to go to his own therapy as well to find out why he's so withdrawn and what's going on with him. If he refuses, I suggest you seek some help yourself to get support in becoming clear what's going on in your marriage and helping you to make a healthy choice for yourself.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 6:27pm
no, he's been the same for the past 2 years or so. he was always interested in tv shows, but he just started watching more and more. and since the DVR came out, ive lost him completely to tv.

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