Husband and new male friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Husband and new male friend
2
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:54am
I need to hear others opinions about this. My husband met a new friend about 1.5 years ago. This friend hangs out where my husband works (bar/restaurant) every night of the week that my husband works. I cant control that and dont care. This friend in the last 8 months has shoved himself into our personal and social lives. My husband and I only have 1 day off together a week and this guy would show up every sunday wanting to hang with us. ( he knows where we hang out for lunch on sundays). It go so bad that my husband would tell him to stay away and he wouldnt. We got rid of him by not sitting with him one sunday. He was embarassed and has left us alone on sundays since.
However, when I am out of town this guy wants to spend every minute with my husband.
This guy has gotten himself invited to some of the same parties we are alwasy invited to.
My husband doesnt think there is anything wrong wiht this. He keeps telling me that "steve" is my friend.
I really dispise this man for all he has done to my marriage. My husband still wants to hang with this guy even though he knows how much this person upsets me. My husband will keep things from me about this guy. It seems lately that he would rather spend time with this guy, than me.
My husband hasnt changed, still loves me, still shows affection, does not allow this guy
to bother us on our day off, however, he still says, but "steve" is my friend.
I know I cant make my husband ditch this guy, but I am at my wits end.
I feel totally alone in this marriage.
Is there something more going on with my husband and "steve"? Steve does have a girlfriend that he wants to marry even though if my husband would call him last minute
to hang out, "steve" would drop his girlfriend off and run to where my husband would be.
I feel heartsick. Help!?!?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:16am

Welcome to the board elizzard98,


From what you have written to do see anything to suggest that they are more than friends. If there friendship really bothers you that much, you need to sit down with your husband and tell him exactly how it makes you feel and see if you can work out a compromise. Like your husband still gets to see Steve, but that you have more quality time with your husband.

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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:39am

This certainly is a disturbing situation. I can understand how you feel. You have to sit down with your husband and have a careful, open discussion about this. Let him know how disturbing this is to you. Let him know that you are not possessive but feel that there is something definitely off here. You feel that this guy is too attached to your husband and is interfering in your relationship.


Your husband has to learn to respect your feelings here. That is what a marriage consists of mutual respect and consideration. If this is bothering you so much, he must pay attention. If he won't, or insists that it's just a friendship and the guy's just a friend, I think it would be good for you to go to a professional counselor together to help him realize how you feel and that this so called friendship is endangering your marriage. If he won't go with you, go yourself. Get a good therapist who is clear and can help you through this. You need clarity, support and professional guidance to work it through.


Best wishes,