Husband bad liar, or is he??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Husband bad liar, or is he??
15
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 8:58pm

Hi Doctor,


I would really appreciate your insights into this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 10:13pm

I think you are looking at this as a statistic, as opposed to whether or not YOU are OK with this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 1:19am

I assume you know there's no such thing as a GOOD liar!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 3:11am
Since he has a history of compulsive sexual behavior this could mean he never stopped a lot of it and was just hiding it better. it really does sound like an addiction. Being involved with people that are looking at minors in porn is very disturbing behavior. I don't know if looking at porn is "normal guy behavior" or not because I don't think ALL men are looking at it, Although I think the ones that do tell you that "all guys do this" to justify it
What matters is not what anybody else thinks but what bothers you. I in fact just heard a sex therapist on tv that talked about how porn sets up unrealistic expectations (because most of these women have perfect bodies, huge breasts (implants) and will do ANYTHING in bed etc. She was telling men that REAL women aren't going to many times want to do what your seeing these porn/web cam women on the screen, and telling women that they will try. So if he is pressuring you to do things your not comfortable with it can become a problem in the bedroom. Anyhow, you don't have to accept any of it IF you feel it's wrong. It just depends on how much or what you want to tolerate before it's too much. ie I think watching the live web cam stuff and going to strip clubs would surely upset me more than just looking at Playboy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:48am

I am not sure you are being entirely fair to your husband by eliminating the separation between sex and porn. He isn't a sexual deviant for viewing porn... It's hardly unnatural for men to watch porn involving teens or lesbians. If it's an addiction for him then he needs help. Is it causing problems in the bedroom? Is it possible that he is cheating on you with a real person?

He may be a great guy but if he is spending so much of his life on various types of porn, then he's not really accepting the real world and your relationship is going to suffer for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 12:39pm

"We're college educated, professional, nice people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 9:33pm

Ah thank you,

I think this is just the simple answer I was looking for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 9:48pm
Thanks for your feedback and for caring enough to get a little fired up. I dont' want to throw husband totally under the bus. You see, while he looked at porn involving teen, I believe the actresses were 18-19. Still WAY TOO YOUNG and NOT OK, but he wasn't looking at child porn. I would have turned him in in myself if that were the case. Also, it was his coworkers at that time who shared porn with interns who were 15-16 year old boys while out in the field. (I know my husband did not do this himself because he's never had phone with photo capacity and they did not have computer access iat their job. But those men with the phones should have been fired. I hated their guts so much I actually daydreamed about stabbing the "ringleader" with a butcherknife. They were monsters. Just complete pigs.

My husband....this has been the first time in months or a year that he's looked at porn to my knowledge. He certainly WAS addicted to porn for a while. I hope now it's not so bad but can one get over it? I don't know. But I've decided this is just something I can't abide. I know I can not be 55 years old one day and my husband behind my back looking at 24 year olds. ... At any rate. I can't thank you enough for caring enough to respond. For the first time, husband and I are actually seeming to have an honest dialogue about all this. And all your thoughts have given me plenty to consider!
Thank you,
Woodsage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 9:48am

Hi Woodsage and welcome.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2011
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 11:58pm
I have read this, and honestly, you are searching for a way to accept what he is doing. When a man you love looks at pornography, it hurts. Plain and simple. He is fantasizing about being with that person, and that is cheating, and if you are married, it is adultery. It makes a woman feel worthless, ugly, not good enough, betrayed, because we can't compete with women that have been made to look perfect by cameras, and makeup, and air brush painting. Think about it, men don't normally watch porn in front of you, they do it in secret. If anything is done in secret, or in the dark, then it's not good. Women have kinda brainwashed themselves into thinking, Oh, well at least he isn't out at the bars, or cheating. looking at porn is not only cheating, but it is also deception. If your husband, or live in lies about one thing, that means he lies about other things, because he lacks respect for the truth. We can live with all kinds of faults, but living with deception and lies will ruin a marriage, and a woman's dignity. We are worth way more than that! Just ask God.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 12:14am

I have to disagree.

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