Husband being Werid after baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Husband being Werid after baby
3
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 1:09pm

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and recently had a baby (7months ago) and since then he has wanted nothing to do with me physically.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 1:17pm

Welcome to the board jmom34,


Would he be willing to go to counseling with you?


Here's a few good self-help books -


Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


If he will do the tests with you in Relationship Rescue or speak to him in his love language, maybe it will help some.


When he says different, how many curious questions do you ask?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 1:34pm
Was he there for the birth? That often traumatizes a man sexually - it's sad when a woman puts her body through that and it can't be sexy to him as a result. This is not necessarily permanent, if this is the case he could very well get over it. I think your weight gain was pretty slight, lots of women gain more than that and you're working ti take it off. If he won't talk about it then I'm not sure what you can do, I feel very sad for you. Perhaps he doesn't want to elaborate further because he is afraid of hurting your feelings? I think he could benefit from seeing a therapist short-term.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:08pm

Your husband's reaction has nothing to do with your size (Size 8 is Slim!!)...Some men go through real psychological changes and anxeity after the birth of a child. It has nothing to do with their wives. The feeling of being a father, the feeling of sharing their wives with someone else, can turn their inner experience around. It can take away sexual desire and cause many other negative responses. Your husband needs to see a psychologist. It's important to try to make him realize that he is going through psychological problems and needs help. If he won't go for help, go see a counselor yourself to help you deal with this painful situation, deal with him and make sure your self esteem doesn't disappear. Don't take this in. It's his problem, not yours.


Best wishes,