Husband / daughter delimma pls help
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| Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:42pm |
Hello everyone,
I'm new here and seeking some advice regarding a stressful situation.
First off all, my husband and I have been married 24 years and have had a happy marriage overall, until now. We separated 3 days ago. Needless to say I feel sad and stressed out.
A month ago, our 19 year old daughter "Stacy" and her husband moved in with us because they could not manage on their own. At that time, only our daughter was employed. Fortunately her husband found a job this week. However, my son in law easily gets discouraged; he seems not to keep a job long for some reason. They depend on me to take them to and from work as neither Stacy or my son in law do not drive and own a car.
Well, during the last month, since Stacy and her husband has been here, they have not offered to help us in any way on household expenses. To be honest, neither does Stacy offer to help with household chores, cooking, cleaning, ect.
My husband had spoke to them about how they needed to pitch in but it would always end up in an arguement.
My husband told them they need to act like adults since they are a married couple. And he told Stacy that since she was married they should be on their own. They have been married a year and have stayed with different family members.
4 days ago my husband and Stacy got into a bad arguement and he had told Stacy and her husband leave. Stacy said no, they were not going to leave and told my husband he could not make them go. I begged him to calm down and said he just could not set them on the street.
He said if I were going to choose them over him, he would just move out until Stacy and her husband found them another home.
Problem is, that is not going to be anytime soon.
Furthermore, I feel I did not "choose" Stacy and my son in law over my husband; I just simply can't throw them out, no place to go.
My husband told Stacy that he loves her mother but feels he can't live under the same roof with them here.
To be honest, Stacy thinks I should allow them to continue to live with us despite what my husband says. She says he is not being fair.
I just don't know what to think....all I know is I'm sad, lonely and upset it has come to this. Also, we have a 6 year old son.
My husband calls everyday and tells me this is not about me...he says he loves me. But I am confused; it seems if he means it then he would be here with me right? But I should point out that he and my daughter argues a lot and I must admit it seems to be more peaceful now.
Stacy, her husband and I get aloing great, we've never argued.
Stacy says she hopes her father does not return and this hurts me.
Please, does anyone have any advice? I would certainly appreciate any opinions also.
I just don't know what to do, where to begin...

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Okay, I'm going to be BLUNT if not brutal. You dishonored and disrespected your husband by allowing this to continue. There never should have been any question in your mind that your married daughter and her husband needed to get their act together and get out NOT your husband. You gave your daughter the power to undermine your relationship with your husband and she did it gleefully. You owe your husband a WHOPPER of an apology and spoiled little Stacy needs to know in no uncertain terms she is NEVER to talk disrespectfully to your husband or about him. While your at it tell her she owes her father an apology or she won't be welcome in your home. Where is your other child while this is going on?
I feel sorry for your husband.
TOUGH LOVE.
That is what you need. You are baby-ing your daughter who is now a married woman. You seem to let her walk all over you and do what she pleases. Your husband has every right to be upset, and this has nothing to do with him. He has made the absolute correct decision by throwing them out. Your daughter needs to get OUT, right now, not tomorrow. They need a taste of the real world and you are hurting...HURTING them by letting them stay with you. They will continue to stay there until you do something-- such as what your husband did. They seem like they do not have any responsibility of their own, and you seem like you are holding onto a child that you need to let go. LET HER GO. She will be very angry with you at first. HOWEVER, she will realize, in time, that this was the best thing for her. Stop treating her like a child. She was old enough to get married, she needs to be old enough to get her own place and take care of herself and GROW UP. Seriously, kick them out. Give them an ultimadum-- one week TOPS to find a place. If they haven't done it by then, then they will realize what responsibility is when they are sleeping at the homeless shelter.
Then kindly ask your husband to come back into your arms...and apologize for choosing to baby your GROWN daughter over letting him make the right decision to throw them out.
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