Husband doesn't want adoption, I do
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| Sat, 03-22-2008 - 1:10pm |
Hi all,
This is my first post and I hope some one can chime in and give me some perspective.
I'm 36 and have been married for 2 years. We've been trying to have a child ever since we got married, but so far, we have not been able to conceive. We are currently under medical care and have gone through a couple of months of 'assisted' help (e.g. artificial insemination), but that has failed as well.
In the meantime, my biological clock is ticking!!! In the two years of trying, I have come to terms about the possibility of not having a biological child. And I think I've come to terms with it. However, I have not come to terms about the possibility of not being a mother. I want desperately want to be a mother, to have a son or daughter (or both) whom I can help mold into good human beings. Like someone else said on a previous post, I can't explain my need to be a mother; it is just how I feel. I think that without children, my life will be less full, not completely empty because I have a good husband, job, great family and friends. But at the end of the day, or at the end of my life, I would like to look back and say that I did something good, something meaningful. And that is to raise children.
But, my husband is ambivalent about adoption. He has told me that he will not adopt and the only way we will be parents is to have our own child. I'm in a bind. We've been trying with medical help for the last few months and it hasn't worked, so why would he think that trying naturally would work?!!! He wants to stop all the medical procedures (lots and lots of money with very little success rates) and try naturally. I am afraid that I will continue to age and my body will be incapable of bearing children in the next few years. Those closest to me say not to worry and that 1) we will get pregnant, and 2) he'll change his mind about adoption. But what if he won't??? I respect his decision about not wanting to adopt, I really do. But where does that leave me??
I love my husband, dearly. We get along well and agree on most things, except this children thing. He doesn't understand why I would choose children over marriage. He is hurt that our marriage is not enough to make me happy. Should I give up the idea of being a mother? I took vows to be with my husband for the rest of my life. So maybe I should live with those vows.
Any advice would be appreciated.

It's a strange thing for him to say you're choosing children OVER marriage because it's not an either/or type of situation. Most people want to