Husband has fallen out of love....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Husband has fallen out of love....
3
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 12:38pm
Have been married for just over 2 years, and have been with my husband for 10 years, since we were 16. Although, we dated off and on since the 8th grade... Lots of history. I can't think of a time when he wasn't in my life. Our marriage, granted has had its ups and downs, but I always hear, that the first few are the hardest. And infidelity has NEVER been an issue. Well, the thing is, Saturday night, he says he doesn't want this anymore, and he's leaving!!! When just last week, he was telling me how much he loved me, and doing all the things that he would always do to show affection. Over the winter, we had a miscarriage, and as recently as 2 weeks ago, he was wondering if I was ovulating, and if we could start trying. This has all been so rapid, his change. And it's not like He is pinned down. He has his 2 nights a week with the guys (Baseball) and he goes to the gym - so he does have outlets. And, he has been drinking A LOT lately. I am just so hurt and sad, I can't belive that this is my life. Him and I were always suppose to be together. I never pressured or pushed him into anything. I'm wondering if he doesnt have some other issues that I just don't know about. Mental illness, does run in his family. I hope this is just a "Phase"!! I can't bear to think the rest of my life won't include him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 5:47pm
jak525,

First of all I think what you need to do is sit him down and talk to him.... find out where he "thinks" he is in the realationship. Express to him your feelings and confusion. Men really don't know what they want, but keep in mind he knew what he wanted when he married you. Stand your ground and tell him you want to be a bigger more involved part of his life. Since he has been drinking is it recreational? He may in fact have things/issues going on with him that need to surface... You are his wife his life partner, that means he should share things with you. My whole idea of marriage is that you two people become one soul. Shouldn't you be included in all of his issues? This drinking thing may be his way of coping with the loss of the baby too. So all you can really do is talk to him, let him know that he can't just get up and leave... History means a lot to you and it should to him too.

Gook luck,

Janelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:12pm
People who are suffering from depression sometimes act and talk the way your dh is. Perhaps this is something to consider? With the miscarriage and all it might have hit him like this. Also, their moods shift very quickly so that one week (or day, or hour) they are feeling great and the next, everything is terrible and they hate their life. You are the closest to him so he would act out at you. Having lived with someone for 20+ years who has this, I know a bit about it. You might want to read on it a bit and see if your dh has any of the symptoms. Remember, men act differently when they are depressed than woman do, in general. So try to find info relating to male depression. Just a suggestion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 4:09pm
Jak525..

I know how you are feeling, and it is very hard, I am still going through this situation and it is taking a long time for things to get better. I honestly do no think that he has fallen out of love, I just think that he might be going through a hard time. I left home after many weeks of my husband treating me really bad and making me feel like he fell out of love with me, in my case I even supect him of being with someone else.

Today I found a lot of e-mails that he had written me explaining how he felt, I had overlooked all his cries for help, and I hadn't even read all of them. Sometimes we as women think that we are the problem, when there are many other problems that are effecting them. It hurts us to see them hurt and we do not deal with it as we should, from my mistake, I think you should try to talk to him a lot before you decide to leave or stop talking to him.

Good luck.

Angel