husband has lost all sexual drive

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
husband has lost all sexual drive
7
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 11:12am
I have been married for 25 years. It's never been great, but most onlookers would think we have a decent marriage. Truth be told, I think I may have stayed with him for the kids, because I don't like to be alone, the security
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 11:51am

Welcome to the board weallswim,


When is the last time he saw a medical doctor - hormones checked, diabetes and heart disease - all of them can effect sex drive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 12:40pm

'He has been verbally abusive and demeaning most of our marriage,'


No wonder you don't want to sleep with him. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who treated me like this, let alone a marriage. Do you want to save the marriage? Is he willing to go to

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 1:45pm

If he has tried pills, creams, and etc to help his sex drive and it isn't working than maybe it is something mental. Maybe he is depressed or not happy in the marriage.


Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 2:50pm
Thanks for the reply- I have insisted on marriage counseling a couple of times over the course of the marriage, and he has gone to a few sessions, but then he says he feels we don't need it. I have bought relationship books and have read then, but they just sit on his bookshelf and he says he will read them, but never does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 2:55pm
I have asked him if it's just his way of ending the marriage without confronting the problems and he insists he wants to be married. We separated briefly over 10 years ago and he wanted to get back together, but I do get the feeling that , maybe unconsciously, he wants me to be the one to end it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 2:59pm
He had been seeing a medical doctor (the one who prescribed the creams, pills). His hormone levels were low, but the doctor couldn't find any other underlying reason. Thanks for the suggestions!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 6:33pm

Have you both gone to fine therapists to work out the issues underlying the lack of sexual fulfillment. Many times sexuality is cut off not for physical, but for emotional reasons. When there is a great deal of negativity, resentment and other feelings brewing, this has a strong affect upon sexuality. Of course you do not want to, nor should you live your entire life without love, warmth, affection and sexual love. If your husband does not want to seek therapy (for starters), go yourself. Talk this over, work out your own feelings and needs vis a vis the marriage. Eventually, he'll have to go as well, and also some good marriage counseling is in order. Just start step by step. It seems as if you could use the support and strength and also insight gained by some good therapy of your own. That will help you and your marriage take the next healthy steps.


Best wishes,