husband hates sister's kids, & told her
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husband hates sister's kids, & told her
| Sat, 10-09-2004 - 2:18pm |
Okay. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have 2 children, ages 2 and 4. My 4 year old is easy going but my 2 year old is high maintenance. My sister has 2 kids ages 4 & 7 and I also have 7 year old half-brother. The 7 year old boys are high energy kids, but my niece is a low key type of kid. DH has made many comments and yelled at the boys in front of my mom and sister. They know that DH doesn't like thier kids. 3 years ago, DH got laid off from work, so I decided to go back to teaching full time and finished my MEd. He stayed home with our children full-time. When I had to go to school full-time and couldn't work we were in a tight financial position. We decided that it would benefit everyone if DH watched my sister's two kids- she would save daycare and it would help bring in some extra money. Well DH and nephew didn't get along too well. DH has commented many times that he doesn't like nephew or my brother- that they are obnoxious and lack self control (not that atypical for their age). So when my nephew went to Kindergarten, we only watched my niece. Well it's been a year and a half. Yesterday, my sister got stuck when the sitter for my nephew cancelled at last minute (we have always told her that we would watch my nephew if she was absolutely stuck), so she started to bring him over. On the way, she calls DH to see if he'd like her to pick up donuts on the way over and mentions that she has to bring my nephew over. Well, apparently, my husband says something like, "Well you know that he isn't welcome in my house" and my sister said that no she didn't know that. But then DH continues and says, "Bringing that child here would be like bringing a rabid dog to play with ours!" and apparently continues berating my sister for another 10 minutes until she hangs up on him. Now the whole day, I'm at work (I'm a teacher and it was an institute day). But when I get home, I ask if my sister had brought my niece over, and DH says, "No, we had a little argument and she decided to keep the kids home" Well, I'm like okay, and it's over. Obviously, that evening, my sister calls me and says that she just needs to inform me of the conversation, and as she is telling me, I am completely dumbfounded and she is crying. My sister is a pretty tough woman, and I haven't heard her cry since we were kids. Now I am so hurt by what my husband said and in so many ways. I wonder who this person that I am married to is. I don't understand how you can think that about a child, much less say it out loud! And to his MOTHER. And to think it about kin... it's making me sick to my stomach just typing this out. Not to mention that his family has never liked me and has always treated me like an outsider. For the record, I really feel that everything we have is because of my family... my mom gave us the down payment for our house, gave us a car when I graduated with my MEd, and my grandma willed us our other car. They've pulled us out of multiple financial messes, and his family has never helped us or offered to (and the 2 adult children still live with mom so they have very low living expenses and good jobs). It just breaks my heart, and I know that his comments have changed the dynamics of my family and the relationship that we had. I've said all this to DH, and at first he started to criticize my nephew, which I put a stop to. Then he just said that he'd apologize to my sister. I wouldn't accept any apology from him, and I wouldn't expect her to either. Not to mention that he conveniently ommitted these key details about the argument when he spoke to me, making me feel like he saw nothing wrong with the comments. I told him yesterday almost everything I've written here and he hasn't said a word. I can tell he feels badly because he's being extra nice to me, but I feel totally ashamed of him and isolated from my family because of it. I can't even take thier phone calls. Help. Is there any way to fix this?
PLEASE respond.
Melissa

As for your family, like I said an apology is a start, but I'm with you, I'm not sure I'd accept it either. He's done harm and I'd love to hear his reason (excuse) for his bad behavior.
Hopefully, someone else will have some advice for you. Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
wow. I am really sorry for this, i can't imagine how painful this must be for you and your sister...
I almost hate to bring this up - but you must understand that your anger right now is not just about this one 'incident'. from what you wrote your husband's behavior has been totally unacceptable for years, and he has been *allowed* to get away with it. <<<<DH has made many comments and yelled at the boys in front of my mom and sister. They know that DH doesn't like thier kids. .....DH has commented many times that he doesn't like nephew or my brother- that they are obnoxious and lack self control >>>
also, it sounds like YOU are holding alot of resentment toward your DH - maybe it has to do with money, or household chores, or whatever. I don't know. definately - you need to get you and your dh into couple's counseling to work thru this.