Husband Ignores Me Sometimes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Husband Ignores Me Sometimes
8
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 3:59pm
I have a great relationship with DH and over all, I couldn't ask for a better guy. That said, there is one thing that he does fairly frequently and it drives me crazy. Sometimes if I ask him a question he just ignores me like he didn't hear me, and I know he did. I don't nag or b**ch at him. These questions do not contain any criticism of him, nor are they deep and thought provoking. I might ask him if he wants something from the kitchen or if he is going to be late the next day. I might ask him a sports question or about something else that he likes. I am not interrupting him from reading, talking or concentrating when I ask these simple things. Sometimes he never answers and other times a minute will go by and then he will answer. It is weird , rude and frustrating. Sometimes I call him on it but I usually say nothing because I don't want to come across as a nag. However, it makes me not want to bother to talk to him at times. Anyone have any advice on this one?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 4:12pm

This is my suggestion:


Say his name.


Wait until he looks at you.


Ask your question.


Take him to the doctor to have his ears cleaned or his hearing tested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 5:29pm

I'm laughing at your post because it's so familiar.


The problem with your dh: he has a "y" chromosome. They have an amazing ability to tune out. Every man I know does it. Not professionally, mind you. They can concentrate and pay attention when they need to. But at home, when he's decided that nothing you have to say can be vitally important, he's gone. Out into that void of nothingness that men go to sometimes. JMy son turns 15 next month, and I've noticed that HE IS STARTING TO DO IT!!!


Women talk more than men. We know that from research. Sometimes our need to talk and communicate comes up against their desire not to talk. When you feel like "chatting," I recommend you call a girlfriend. Most men expect conversation to have a point, and expect you to get there pretty darned quick!


How long have you been married? If you were to offer him some sort of sexual treat, do you think he'd pay attention?

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Cat

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 5:45pm
We have been married almost 5 years. Hmm..he never did this before we got married lol. As for the sexual treat, I'm afraid it isn't always practical, especially since he does this every where we go lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 8:07pm

>>>Sometimes he never answers and other times a minute will go by and then he will answer. It is weird , rude and frustrating.<<<

I can address this from the POV of the partner who does this. I don't do it to be rude or frustrating. I do it because it takes me longer to process things. I don't want to say anything until I have and know what I want to say. My dh was like you, thinking that I was being extremely rude. (But then he's one of those extremely polite Canadians, and I'm one of those rude Americans. LOL) When we went to our MC, this was one of the first things that my dh wanted to address. She explained this to him since I had been unable to. Everyone processes things differently and some take more time than others. That's normal. When you have a partner who takes longer to process things, the answer lies within both of you. You need to give him a little more time. He needs to let you know that he's thinking about it before he answers you. It is more common for men to have a longer processing time, in general, but, obviously, that's not always the case.

I think that talking to him about this and asking if this is what's going on would be a great idea. Let him know that you are more than willing to let him take more time, but what you need from him is for him to let you know or answer you that he is doing so if you ask. For the times that he's not answering you, you need to ask him to let you know, either by asking or his telling you, whether he is not going to answer you or if he is processing and will answer you and when. Sometimes, I have to process for a day. Sometimes, it's a matter of seconds. And anywhere in between.

Hope this helps.

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I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 9:34pm

my hubby and I do this to each other.....it's not just

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 10:06pm

"1. say his name. 2. wait till he looks at you. 3. speak."

VERY true. Some people just don't operate with "peripheral thinking" all the time - in other words, a lot of people aren't constantly listening to what's going on around them.

I know if my guy is on the computer or playing a video game, his mind is in one place and a parade could go by without him noticing. You just need to make sure you have their attention before saying anything important. I don't think he's intentionally ignoring you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 12:02am

>>I know if my guy is on the computer or playing a video game, his mind is in one place and a parade could go by without him noticing. <<


Absolutely!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 10:11am
Thanks to everyone for the advice. I will try to make sure I have his attention first before I ask him something.