Husband looks at porn but won't have sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Husband looks at porn but won't have sex
18
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 8:19am
Hello, my husband and I have been married only 18 months and husband looks at porn and gets off but won't have sex with wife. He said he made a mistake and he is sorry for hurting me. I asked him if thats what he wanted me to do and he said no. I have left him little sexy notes that I know turned him on but instead of haveing sex with me he took a hower by himself and masturbated in the shower then went straight to sleep. I got nothing from him. No hugging, cuddling, kissing, or sex. He has run a cell phone bill up to $956.37 in 900#'s porn calls. One the day after we were married. We didn't even have sex on our weddinng night, but he can call a porn line and get off. How can I try to save my marriage and get the porn completely out of lives? I need help cause this makes me fell worthless as a woman and a wife. I am loosing everything I have worked so hard to get. This is tearing me up inside and tearing my family apart. We can't afford a counselor cause of a limited income so anything else you give me to try and save my marriage will be appericated.

Thanks,

Angel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 1:11pm
I'm not a professional when it comes to sex problems but have you tried doing or saying the things that he hears on the 9oo numbers that he calls? try calling him and talking sexy to him from another room,put some romantic mood musin on,turn down the lights or light some candles,put on your sexiest nighty,while you are on the phone when you can tell that he is being turned on dont say a word just come in and take over where you left off on the phone,try doing things to get the 2 of you closer but dont be a slave to him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 8:10am
Hello everyone, I know it has been a while since I posted anything about my husband. Well last night it all come to the surface. In a matter of speaking we had a knock down drag out fight. No hitting of course but I think I finally got my point across when I woke my kids up and had them get dressed and walked out with a bag packed. I went to a friend's house and he called there before I could drive and get there and spoke with her. He said he was sorry and would do anything to get me back. I told him the only way I would come back was for him to stop everything else and put me first and foremost. He agreed after 3 hours of talking on the phone. I came home this morning and believe it or not he was a good buy. No porn on the computer was looked at while I was gone. YEAH!!!!!! That is a small step for him and a giant step for us... I will keep you posted on whats happening.

Thanks again,

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 1:23pm

hi angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 1:46pm
This is good news, Angela. Do not give up. Stay tough, or he may just feel that once you are back home with the kids he can get back to watching porn, and neglecting his, huh, marital duties. And I would insist for counseling. You deserve to be happy, and i hope that your husband will finally come to his senses.

Hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 7:24am
Hello, just a quick update. We had a mutual friend on the phone last night and she was talking to me and I was explaining to her what was going on and she wanted to talk to him. they talked for about 1 hour and then he came and got me so she could talk to both of us at the time. We agreed that if the looking at porn didn't stop that I was leaving for good. He agreed and said he would talk to the counselor at our church. He said he is just feeling overwhelemed right now tryign to get bills caught up after the holidays, getting another car, etc.. I understand that and we laid in bed and talked aobut everything for 2 more hours. I feel asleep in his arms and woke up in his arms. We haven't doen that for almost 1 year now. So that is a step in the right direction. I will keep you all posted on whats going on and if we are getting better or not.

Thanks for everything.

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 9:37pm
Hello, I just wanted to let everyone that I appericate everything everyone has posted. After my last posting we have talked with the counselor at our church and have come to some conclusions. We have went for 3 days with no fighting, arguing or b--ching about anything. We even made love on Saturday night for the first time in almost 3 months. We even made love on Sunday twice at his request. Big shock to me but I did not refuse him. It was great and he told me that he was ready to come back to me in every way a husband should be with his wife. That made me cry. But they were happy tears. So thank you everyone for everything you have told me to do and just listening to me.

Thank you very much,

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 1:05am
I agree with her. You made a commitment and have the integrity to do everything in your power to keep it. It's sacred. If he got sick or injured you would stand by him, wouldn't you? Illness comes in many forms from mild to moderate to severe; physical as well as mental/emotional.

I have a similar problem except mines too cheap to pay for porn, hehehe. He has a low libido and it took me 4 1/2 yrs to get him to admit it. He finally agreed to start working on it but gets very sensitive about it when I bring it up. You have to be patient with him because he might not come out of his shell if you arent and it will only prolong your efforts.

We arent even married yet but we fell in love instantly and made our commitments to eachother. However, part of me is thinking he may be lazy and unmotivated. I must figure out a way of dealing with this issue before he takes advantage of my patience.

You have got to figure out a way to get him to stop with the bills. He sounds immature if he is being that irresponsible with your money. Convince him to get a prepaid phone or block the 1 900 #'s. If he acknowledges the problem he should try to create a solution with you.

There are places to get councelling on a sliding scale. Look for a state mental health center near you that offers therepy sessions private or group. It will probably cost you about 10 bucks a session if your income is low. Good luck to you, I know it's stressful but we have to try.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 8:05am
Hello everyone, this is just to let everyone that since I have last posted things are going great. We have talked, and talked, and talked, and things are great right now. I did let him read my postings and he seen what everyone was telling me to do and what I was posting. He finally got the "hint" I think. We have even made love a lot lately. On his request!! We are not fighting or bickering. I will keep everyone posted. Again thank all of you for the help.

Thanks,

Angel

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