husband may be cheating
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| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:18am |
i recently caught my husband planning to cheat on me, but i didn't find these emails and profiles on these adult sex personals until a few days after the meeting may have gone down.. he was searching for woman in our city who are looking for men to have casual, one time sex with.. when i confronted him he said he wasn't really going to do anything, he was just looking for someone to have a relationship with.. because i fail at that with him, as he likes to point out, i fail at everything in our relationship.. i work too much, i play with our 6 month old son too much, i don't clean up enough, i don't cook enough.. i can't ever do anything right with him.. .we've been together since highschool, it's been 3 years now, and we got married when i was 6 months pregnant.. i think that he was trapped in a relationship that he wanted out of.. he tried to convince me to abort our son because he felt we wouldn't last long enough and he didnt' want to raise a little boy in a family who is torn apart through divorce or whatever, despite the fact that i had miscarried not 6 months prior and still hadn't gotten over it yet..
back to the point, he tried to tell me that he wasn't going to do anything with the girl whose email i found.. despite the fact that to this day 2 weeks later i am still finding profiles and things that he'd made up a month or so ago that are talking about having casual sex with someone... discreetly mind you.. and that he did save that email to a folder in his email called "just for me" after seeing pictures of her body online and sending her pictures of his online..
i just don't know what to think.. my mother told me to try to stick it out because we have a baby and i can't live on my own right now.. despite the fact that he doesn't work or help out around the house.. he hardly even feeds the baby right.. just bottles, never any real food.. well, baby food..
please help, i need advice.. i dont' want to be stuck unhappy in amarriage..

So just remember that you always have options. You do *not* have to stay in a relationship either because you can't support yourself, or because you think it's the right thing to do for your child.
Honestly I think that is the most disturbing thing I read in your post. This man is degrading you, isn't a 'husband' or 'father' in any sense, is compromising your health-(are you using condoms?), doesn't love or respect you, etc.
Plus what will you be teaching your child about honesty, relationship, lying, etc if you stay? How will she treat others and let herself be treated based on what she observed and learned from you. Your husband doesn't care but you should care enough about her to want what is best and teach her about values and love.
Please find a way to get out. Can you live with your parents? You can attach his wages for child support and get a job. Anything is better than this mess.
cheating or not (and it sounds like he is and/or was) - this marriage is extremely unhealthy for all of you - for you, your husband, and your child. this is no way to live. i understand that the pregnancy was unplanned - but hey, you didn't make this baby on your own!
time for you two to either make this work (by BOTH OF YOU getting help, marital counseling, by your husband going to parenting classes, etc) or break it up.
you have to live YOUR life, not your mother's life. it IS possible to be a great single mom. and the way things are right now is NOT good for your son.
sorry for this mess, its not easy. if you need further help re divorce, there is a great board here on ivillage
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlsmartdivor
there is also a board for families harmed by adultry where you might find more specific help
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery
good luck
Your husband is bored, has no motivation to change his situation, he'd rather blame you for all the world's problems, including those in the household. Not good.
Can you afford to keep the place you are in? If so, get him to move out. He's not working, so you are already paying the rent, right? If it's more than one bedroom, rent a room out, move in with someone else, parents, friend, look for low-income housing, etc.
My best to you on your decision.
Carrie