Husband Or another married man?
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Husband Or another married man?
| Thu, 07-22-2004 - 1:27pm |
Here's my story.I've been with my husband for 5 years, been married for only a year and a half.My husband is a good guy, works hard, and we have fun together. My problem is that my husband can be controlling, and mean and it has to be his way all the time. He thinks I need to grow up (I'm 23, he's 26) and make my own decisions. But when I do, it's never good enough because it's not what he wanted. He checks out women in front of me, but I can't look at another man or he will get mad and say mean things to me. He has porn magazines all over the house and stays on the computer looking at it also. I know for sure he's not the to cheat, that's the one thing I do know. But, I found 2 condoms in his car, I never said anything and neither did he. I'm waiting until they come up missing, then I'll confront him even though it'll be too late I'll know for sure he's done something. If I confront him now he'll just say it was for us and he forgat them in the car. Anyway, about the other man. My friend and I went to a place where this guy worked, I didn't know him (he's 31), but my friend did. As soon as we met we felt a atrong connection. He told me he was married and has a baby daughter. So, I left it alone, I'm not the kind of person to break up a family. After a couple of days going with my friend to the place of work we would chat and got to know each other. Now, we talk on the phone and e-mail each other everyday. We never done anything, not even a little kiss. Just a hug when we see each other. We have a lot in common, his wife is to him like my husband is to me. I feel we can have so much together if we were'nt married and we can be happy.
Should I just be friends and leave where it's at, leave it all alone, or should we continue, which might end up with both of us divorced but happy? I think I'll be divorced anyway one day, I don't know about how soon it might be years. I think it's going to happen eventually one day. What should I do?
Should I just be friends and leave where it's at, leave it all alone, or should we continue, which might end up with both of us divorced but happy? I think I'll be divorced anyway one day, I don't know about how soon it might be years. I think it's going to happen eventually one day. What should I do?

First - your marriage. Either work out the problems in the relationship or call it quits. You don't have any children, so that is not a complicating factor. Whatever you decide, be faithful in your marriage. If you had an affair, not only would you be cheating on your husband, you would be cheating on yourself because you took vows to remain faithful in your marriage. No matter what your husband does, you need to be true to yourself.
Second - future relationships. If you ultimately decide to divorce, then don't get involved with anyone romantically until you are divorced and have had some time to heal. Make sure that you are a healthy person and you have disposed of all your baggage before you enter into a relationship with anyone else. Otherwise that baggage will just contaminate your future relationships and cause problems for you. Also, choose a man wisely. Don't get involved with a married man - that would lower you to the category of a home-wrecker and you would be openning your heart to a man who isn't availible to you. Neither is good for your long-term emotional health. Don't get involved with a man who is still carrying around his emotional baggage from a previous relationship either.
Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. But I agree with the others who have told you to take it one step at a time.
Edited 7/22/2004 4:43 pm ET ET by countrygrlupnorth
You honestly think that he will take any responsibility for what he does? No matter what, he will turn it around and blame you. Think about it- you are attracted to someone else because things are bad with your marriage so he will tell you the same thing once he gets caught.
I can't believe you would rather live like this than move with your parents and start over. Get a job,, get financial aid at school. Do something instead of cleaning and waiting for him to admit that he has a prblem or you will be waiting forever.
Why do you think you deserve this treatment?
1. You need a place to live
2. You need a car
3. You have no job skills so you need to be supported
4. He is controlling and would freak out if you left him
You are kind of using him, girl! Just for his paycheck. No wonder you are having problems. If you truly loved the man, you would not be cheating on him with the other man (Talking and sharing things with another man you are attracted to is cheating)
Why don't you discover why you do not like your husband, get into some marriage counseling and maybe you two can work it out?
A little background. I am 37 divorced (was married 13 years), 2 kids ages 15 and 8.
I would suggest that you make sure that make sure you don't get pregnant with your husband before you decide for sure that you want to continue to be married to him. Otherwise you'll be stuck with this controlling man whether you like it or not. He sounds emotionally abusive.
I also would strongly suggest that you not take the relationship with the married man (MM) any further. It will lead to something that you will regret. It has already gone too far. Imagine what will happen if your husband finds out, or his wife. Please address your relationship with your husband and encourage your MM to do the same with his wife. Honor your committment with your spouse first. If you don't love him and can't honestly see yourself with him "forever". End it. End it before you get pregnant. You are so young.
I got married at 20, way too young.
I also got involved with a MM and just like you, I had no intention of being involved with him. I am not one to break up a marriage. He has kids too. But just like you, it started with harmless talking, then e-mails, then on the phone. There is always a way to justify it further, and before you know it you are hooked. Please don't go down that road. Get a divorce first..
Bottom line.......Address the issues in your marriage, counseling is a good start. If your husband is not willing to change and respect you and work on the marriage then you have some decisions to make.
You only live once!
Best of luck!!
~Love