husband spending more time with friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
husband spending more time with friend
7
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 9:25pm
My husband has a friend that he has known for about 2 years now. What really bothers me is that he is always inviting his friend over, or he is always going over to his house. My husband will make a nice meal for his friend, serve him like a king, his friend even will lay on our couch leaving no room for my daughers and I to sit. My husband even gives his friend the romote control for the television so he can watch whatever he wants. My husbands friend who's name is Jeff has gotten so spoiled by my husband.My DH even has his friend on a pedastool. When Jeff comes over he never brings anything to eat or even anything to drink. I don't know if anyone thinks that I am selfish but I am getting tired of my husband who worships the ground that his friend Jeff walks on. I can't even get my husband to do anything for me, but yet he is continuasly helping him. My husband has bought patio furniture for me, even though it is not brand new, well guess what his friend liked the furniture so he gave it to Jeff, along with other thinks that he has bought me. I have told him that Jeff is just using him, and as long as he keeps giving him things and inviting him over for dinner he will never get out of our path. His friend Jeff is just using him. But how do I convince my husband of that. I only see my husband for an hour a day, on the weekend he goes to help his friend with his house leaving me at home. I would also like to spend time with my husband as well. He just says you see me enough each day, yeah right! me only an hour his friend is more like 6 or 7 hours. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't even know if my husband is going through a midlife crisis again. He is 44 his friend is 28. Sometimes I think that my husband might be gay.

Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 4:11am
>> Sometimes I think that my husband might be gay.

Sometimes I wonder if you are correct. Have you ever tried just showing up at the friend's house on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and innocently asking, "What'cha doin, guys?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 6:43am
well it looks like *something* is going on. how long have you been married? other than this friend - what other issues do you have and how have you resolved them? do you know this guys friends? does he ever have a GF?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 3:00pm
First I would like to ask you if you even read my message.I mentioned that his friend comes over for dinner at least once or twice a week. It definatly is not a girl. Second,on the days that he does not come over, my husband goes over to his house. My husband is a control freak. I am about to give up on the relationship. It seems as though he is bothered by me. And another thing, he is hispanic which makes it worse. Sorry to sound they way I do but it seems as though when the hispanic men get older their attitude changes and they don't want to be around the wife. I do everthing for him. I pay his bills(he gives me the money for them though)we work in the same company, I take his breakfast and lunch and now he expects it.But does not even bother to say thank you,and if I say something he says it is my duty as his wife to do those things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 3:09pm
"First I would like to ask you if you even read my message.I mentioned that his friend comes over for dinner at least once or twice a week. It definatly is not a girl."

Sk1960 asked if he's ever had a GF before you. You are obviously very angry and you have a right to be, there is something going on, whether he's gay, trying to be cool/young again with this MUCH younger guy (I've never heard of someone his age haning out with someone so young) - I don't know, but I would be miserable demanding for someone's attention. What does he do AT ALL to make you happy is there ANY reason to stay in the marriage?? How much more selfish can someone be?

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 3:40pm
Hey there.

I'm sorry, hun, but as soon as I started reading about your husband's "friend," I suspected that it's his lover. I would do some investigating. Nothing inappropriate, just ask questions. Has Jeff ever had a girlfriend, what are they doing on the weekends at the house, etc. If it aggravates your husband when you ask him those kinds of things, chances are he's hiding something. I can't believe that he lets this man come over, eat your food, take your furniture, invade your living room, etc. Seems like his aim is to please Jeff only; not you or your children. Before jumping to conculsions, talk to your husband. If he won't answer questions or gets defensive, just tell him you think he's spending too much time with Jeff for it to be a platonic relationship. He'll get the hint. And, you may get your answer. By the way, is your husband a mama's boy? If he is, that's not a good sign, either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:37pm

ummmm i was referring to your husband's FRIEND - and wondering if HE (husband's friend) ever had a GF around that you know about.


look - you say he is a control freak, you say he treats you like

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:34pm
My husband is not a mama's boy, in fact when he was 14 his mom sent him to live with his sister and brother-in-law. His friend apparently can't hold on to a girlfriend, he is too much of a tightwad plus I don't think he knows how to treat a woman. I have told my husband that I need more attention, he says that I am just jealous. Maybe I am but that is beside the fact I have a reason, my husband says that the more I complain the more he will stay out. I am at the last rope. I am so tired of this emotional rollercoaster.

thanks