Husband Unfaithful

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Husband Unfaithful
7
Tue, 01-22-2008 - 11:01pm

Hi,


I just found out today that my husband has been having a "emotional" telephone and email relationship with a woman he met 5 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 1:34am

Welcome to the board sv_mtnwoman,


:: He has said that he will now have to get a different phone with his own account so he can have the privacy he needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 2:17pm

Welcome to the board sv_mtnwoman,


His relationship with this woman is completely inapporirate. Just because he doesn't want to leave you doesn't mean that you can't leave him.


Do you want to stay with him and if so why?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 4:38pm

Thank you for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 4:41pm

I don't think taking him to your drs office would be a good idea. I think he knows his relationship is inappriorate, but that he doesn't want to admit it.


Do you want to change and be more active?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 5:07pm

Thanks for your opinion on taking him to my docs office.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 7:16pm

This is a very sad and difficult situation. First of all, there is never a reason to place the entire blame for difficulties in a relationship on one person. It's always a dance. It always takes two. Don't take in all his neagtive feelings about you. When someone loves you, they see the beauty and goodness in you, despite whatever difficulties are going on. Try to see the beauty and value in yourself.


There is an abusive aspect to this situation as well. He puts you down, gets involved with someone else and yet doesn't want to leave. Perhaps he enjoys crushing you in this way? At any rate, whatever the situation, boundaries must be set. He cannot continue this relationship while he is living with you. That would be very disrespecful and hurtful to you. You call yourself lazy, but when a person is depressed it is often difficult to do what needs to be done. I strongly urge you to get professional help with this entire situation. Get a good therapist. Work out your feelings and needs. You cannot have the whole relationship on your shoulders. All a person can do is work on themselves. Get the help you need and you will able to see things more clearly. Whether or not he can or will acknowledge what is positive in you, you must learn to do it for yourself, and to become healthy and strong, not simply to save a marriage, but for your own sake.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 11:25pm

Here's something you might find intersting:


Is it ‘just friends’ – or emotional infidelity?


Even though there’s no sex, you still could be unfaithful, marriage counselors warn.