Husband vs. Daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Husband vs. Daughter
5
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 10:06am
I got remarried in June. I quit my job, sold my house and uprooted my 9-year old daughter to move 6 hours away to another state to be with my husband. It's only now that I realize he doesn't like my daughter much at all. He constantly yells at her for everything. She can't do anything right in his eyes. She gets frustrated and mad at him, and I get very mad at him, and I feel hurt for my daughter. I feel I gave up everything for him, and now I'm stuck living a life I'm not happy in. What do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 10:28am

Why do feel as if you are "stuck"?because you gave up alot to be with someone? Your children need to be priority.As

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:36pm
Counseling, parenting class..... find a way to approach him on this subject.

You may find out it's something else than him disliking her. Counseling can help her too - give her coping skills and a place to talk about it so it doesn't affect her self-esteem.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:21am

you need to make a quick decision here - you either pick up your daughter and take her to a safe and sane environment, or you get your family into family therapy TODAY. you cannot allow this to continue, it is your responsibility to take care of your daughter.


obviously, every *new* family goes thru adjustment periods, but unless you hid your dd in the closet every time your husband came over, then he KNEW that he was going to be living with a 9YO. you simply cannot allow this to go on.


i went thru similar things ---- i remarried when my son was 10, and left my husband - literally with the clothing on our backs -

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 8:01am
What else is going on... Well, not much. He works hard at a physically demanding job, so we hardly ever have sex. He talks about it a lot though, which I can't understand. When we do have sex, I'm usually the one to initiate it. Also, he was married before and has a 12-year old son, and he helped raise a daughter who's not his. She's 14 now, and he helped raise her since she was 2. One of his expectations from me was that I accept both these kids as his, which I have done. The boy is great, and the girl is a really sweet kid. But the girl is not his daughter, yet I accept her. I feel this is a double standard against my daughter. One night my daughter came crying to me telling me all she wants is to his hear him tell her he loves her. I told him that, and he says he does love her but probably not as much as he "should". His words and actions are completely different. He doesn't show her love, and when my daughter hurts, it hurts me deeply. From what I can see, he puts up with her and that's all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 10:13am

i am sorry, but there is a BIG difference between not loving your daughter - and abusing her. this HAS TO STOP, you are really damaging your child, i say "you" because you are standing by and letting this happen. he doesn't have to LOVE her - but he has to accept her, respect her, treat her nicely.


ah yes, and the sexual issues.... BTDT.... what can i say ---- this doesn't sound like a great environment for either of you right now. i do think that both these issues can be addressed and worked on in therapy - but you have to get there. if i were you - and after going thru seven years of a bad second marriage - i can tell you to make that appointment today for family therapy. you will probably also need marital therapy. but you have to protect your dd.