Husband was more loving and affectionate

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Husband was more loving and affectionate
3
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 12:50pm
I am so confused and need some major advice. My husband and I have been married almost one year and everything was great when we were dating. He asked me everyday for a month or more to marry him, telling me all the time how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, doing little things like cooking for me, running bubble baths for me, giving me love and affection and lots of attention to me all the time. Then it seems like once we were married it all stopped. I don't get compliments anymore. If I need to hear him say he loves me I have to say it first. Having him cook now for me, well it doesn't happen now, and the running a bath for me, well, I have to do it for myself. He isn't as sweet and romantic now at all. I am just so confused and need to know why men change once the marriage certificate is dry. Any help will be greatly appreciated, as I am wondering if I am just losing it or what!! :)Thanks for any advice you can give me!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 1:13pm
You could try talking to him about how you're feeling neglected and see what he says. But also consider, are you sure you're treating him the same way as you did before? Do you still give him compliments and do things for him too? Do you ever run the bath for him, or do special things you know he'll love? If you don't, then doing little things for him might inspire him to want to reciprocate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 2:00pm
He was 'courting' you then, trying to win you over and he did. Now that he has the prize, you, there is no more effort.

Please take the other posters advice, be romantic with him, flirt with him, and keep the lines of communication open and express that you would like to bring some of that romance back into the relationship.

Reading material:

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 4:31pm
I been married 15 years after we got married my husband stopped everything also. I have talked until I can't talk anymore I have cried til I can't cry anymore.He might talk to me 15 minutes a week. When I ask him why he's like this his reply I am married to you I don't need to date you anymore.SO HE DOESN'T ! He has took me out maybe a total of 13 times since we've been married. I can't stand it anymore. He has 3 weeks of vacation a year they are for him and only him.I get NO vacations! The only diamond he has ever bought me come from a pawn shop 4 years ago,lied and told me it was new! You may could talk to him and tell you how you feel hopefully it will not fall on deaf ears as for me I am talked out! It is because he sees no need in treating you the same way he won the girl so to him that's all he has to do. Good luck! I know what it feels like....