husband won't touch me anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2008
husband won't touch me anymore
4
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 11:38am
This is my first post ever...husband and I have been having a lot of problems but one is that he won't touch me anymore. He doesn't kiss me, hug me or anything unless he wants to have sex and even then it's literally just sex and not making love. I guess physical contact is not important to him. We had a baby about a year ago but I've lost all the weight and actually even more. He says he's still attracted to me yet he won't even hold my hand. At night he just rolls over - not even a "good night" and goes to bed. Is this a guy thing? How do I live with this? Isn't this one of the reasons people end up having affairs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:19pm

Welcome to the board lilunk,.


Take him for a walk without the baby and talk to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2008
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:36pm
I've told him over and over how important it is to me to have physical contact but he does not see it as a priority. I guess I first noticed it when I got pregnant because he wouldn't even look at me much less touch me. He was "scared" of my transformation which made it really hard for me. And I barely gained 25 pounds. Anyhow, I got to the point where I told him I am not going to ask him to be affectionate anymore because I have too much pride. But it hurts a lot because I take good care of myself physically and I'm a good person and a good mother. Why should I have to beg him to touch me? I guess I just don't understand why he won't do it. He says I'm asking too much. Are men just programmed not to need affection?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 3:17pm
Find out if counseling is an option.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 7:20pm
I am not surprised your pregnancy had something to do with it. Was he also there for the birth of your baby? That can be very sexually traumatizing for a man. Sometimes for a man there is something about seeing his wife, his girlfriend, his sexual partner, become the mother of his child and it takes away all sexual thought for her as a person. (My father told me once that he had a very very difficult time seeing my mom the same way after watching my birth... My guy and I agreed that he would not be present for the actual birth of our theoretical future children, partially for this reason). It's very a common and powerful emotion, even though it is very unfair, but it can be overcome with counseling through a licensed sex therapist. You two have every hope in the world for fixing this with the help of the right person, and I hope you'll soon see that it doesn't have to hurt your relationship any longer. Best of luck!!