Husband/boss with opposite sex friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Husband/boss with opposite sex friends
63
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 7:16pm
My husband is a good looking surgeon in his mid 40's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:08pm

Welcome to the board camjess,


In my opinion, if he wants to go

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:48pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:57pm

::He admits he would not be comfortable with me doing these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 9:36pm
So he is going to lunch with them and now wants to go to dinner with them also? I think he is crossing boundaries here. It could be all innocent but why put himself in a position where he may eventually get a little too close to one of these young gals and put himself in temptations way. At his age he is also at risk for a midlife crisis affair. I personally would not feel comfortable with my husband taking a female co-worker(s) to lunch because I think spending alone time with them could lead to an emotional attachment too easily, which of course could easily lead into a physical affair. I think keeping contact between opposite sex co-workers to business matters only is a safe way to prevent trouble. And really in my opinion taking them to lunch or dinner is technically a date. And I also know how easy it is to develop close attractions to co-workers you spend too much time with cause it happened to me. You don't plan on it happening but it just tends to sneak up on you. And really if he say he would not be comfortable with you going out for lunch or dinner with male co-workers it would be a double standard for him to do so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 10:02pm

He may honestly not see anything wrong from his perspective because yes maybe his intent is not to downright cheat on you, maybe he just enjoys the company of these girls and wants to be seen out with two attractive 22 year olds.

But he's not considering your feelings, he's thinking very very selfishly and the impression he's giving is that he's a single guy who is dating younger women (girls). You may get your point across to him by saying you're not accusing him of cheating, but you want him to know how you feel - Ask him how this situation would look to an outsider.

He needs to stop this behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 11:05pm

I don't have a problem with my DH going to lunch with female workmates. As for dinner, I'd like to be invited because I don't go out for dinner very often. It would be a good opportunity for partners and co-workers to meet and mingle.

>>Would you let your husband socialize outside of work with his two younger employees without you or significant other's present? <<

I do have to comment on your working here. Would I *let* my husband.....? This is a very controlling term and not one which I feel is appropriate in a healthy marriage. If I was unhappy with something, I'd let him know. But I have no place in deciding what hubby is allowed to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 8:00am

I think it depends upon the situation and type of work involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 8:28am

My rule of thumb is straight forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 10:45am

My boss used to take me and the other female administrator in our office out for lunch periodically. He'd pay, too. It was just a gesture of appreciation. At no time was there ever anything inappropriate in his behaviour towards either of us.

Does your husband generally treat you well? Aside from these lunches, is there anything else that makes you think there could be something going on?

ETA: My male boss and I are friends. We frequently talk about matters that aren't work related, particularly when I was pregnant (they were trying for their second, so LOTS of baby-related chat). I like and respect his wife, and she thinks well of me. I am in no way attracted to my boss, and there would NEVER be anything of that nature between us. Sometimes a work friendship is just a work friendship.




Edited 1/28/2009 10:50 am ET by lianne_67
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 10:46am

Ah. In that case, he shouldn't be doing it either. Whatever the rule is, it should apply equally to both of you.

baby siggy
baby siggy

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