Husband's Female Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Husband's Female Friends
3
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 9:51am
HELP! Ever since my husband and I were dating (we dated for 4 years and have been married for 4 years), he has always had female friends. At first, it made me a little jealous, but most of the time I am fine. Lately, it's starting to bug me again! For instance, he said he met a male friend after work yesterday for a drink. After a little prying, he stated that 2 female friends also joined them. He said that he was trying to set 2 people up. I have met all of his "girlfriends" (I think!) and I don't feel like he has ever cheated. What I don't like is that he seems secretive at times about meeting up with these female friends. He is an outside salesman and spends most of his flexible work schedule on the road (locally)calling on customers. He is very outgoing and loves to have parties at our house, go to get-togethers, etc. I, however am social, but would rather have most of my work nights and weekends to ourselves. We are both 29, and have no children. Do you think I have reason to worry?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 11:49am

As for innocence, trust your instincts. If you feel that somethings wrong, it probably is. If he is with these female freinds all of the time, why dont you ever join them?If it is work related, I can understand you not always being able to join him with the work related things, but there should be no reason why you cant join them when he does other activities with these female freinds.


If you find that you talk to him about these concerns, and still feel anxious, maybe you can look into counseling.


Trust is the basis of a healthy relationship, if you dont have that, what do you have?


Good luck,


 

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 1:33pm
The fact that he is secretive worries me. In general, I think that people who have nothing to hide are very open about what they do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 2:08pm
I can't tell you if you have reason to worry about your husband cheating, but IMO you might have reason to worry that he and you are not really on the same page as far as how your prioritize time spent, values and together-time. You said you'd rather be alone with him, and he'd rather be partying with lots of other people around. I have seen couples like that and over the years, resentment grows and festers when one doesn't change to feel like the other (which one was probably expecting or hoping to happen over time, which would be a mistake), they eventually grow apart or fight so much that both are miserable. I sincerely hope this doesn't happen to you. Secrecy in a marriage is very destructive. But he may not tell you things simply b/c he knows you're the jealous type or b/c he knows you're not the partying type to the degree he is (again, if you were on the same page about things there would be no need for secrecy, that's why it's important to be on the same page). Since you dated him 4 years and knew the score when you married him (what type of guy he was, what type of life he led) there's not much you can do about it now except COMMUNICATE with him about your feelings. NOT in the hopes that he will change his wants and needs to match yours -- they should match before you marry a person -- but just in a continued effort to understand and empathize with one another (in hopes you can both be the understanding and empathizing type). Good luck.