Husbands Friend

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Husbands Friend
Mon, 09-03-2012 - 12:10am

Please help,

My husband is saying suff to me lik

"so, what was it like having sex with Scott?"

"Why don't you call you're boyfiend Scott?"

"I know you imagine wha it's like doing him"

This kind of talk is driving me crazy. I became friends with my husbands friend due to my husband encouraging me to do so and telling both of us how much we have in common...and we really do. So, now we are good fiends and frequently talk and share hobbies (we both collect fossils...dorky I know).

Anyway, three weeks ago my husband and I got in a fight. My husband wanted me to fool around with him before he went to work. I wanted to fool around too so I was more then willing. However, when I asked my husband to due one thing for me (the whole time I had been doing stuff to him) he refuses and says all the sudden that I was going to make him late for work. I got irritated, but kept cool and asked if he would cuddle for a couple of minutes instead. Again he said no bcause he was going to be late. However I knew this was BS and snapped something around the lines of "I've been doing stuff for you all morning and you can't even give me a minute?" Well this made him so pissed that he started yelling and shaking me demanded that I get dressed and out the door in five minutes or he was leaving me (we car pool to work). So, I did. However, once we got to the stoplight down the street from our house he jumps out and walks back home because I asked him if we was alright and tried to appologies.

My husband called in sick that day, refused to talk to me other then to tell me he was tired of me going off on him and was thinking about leaving me. Well, his friend called me later the same day. I thought he had talked to my husband about the fight and was calling me to hear my side (he's done this before). Well, I was really sad and thinking he already talked to my husband told him my side of the story. Apparently, he had no idea we had a fight, but played along anyway. I realized I shouldn't have told him so much about mine and my husbands business, but what's done is done. He was not in the least uncomfortable. He told me to go home and he would be there with my husband and we could all talk and sort things out. So, I went home. My husband however, decided he didn't want to see me yet and took his friend with him to his parents house to hang out.

Well once my husband finally decided to talk to me again it was late at night. He asked if I told his friend anything and I admitted that I had. My husband said I needed friends of my own and I shouldn't be talking to his. Well, the next day I was talking to my husbands friend since he wanted to know if I was ok and if my husband and I were working things out. Also, I wanted to applogize in case I made him uncomfortable in anyway.  However, my husband started yelling at me to find his shoes and I had to put him on hold. This seemed to make him upset and he said he had to go, but to call him back later.  I did and couldn't get a hold of, I called him back a couple of other times at different times to see if I could reach him. I couldn't so gave up...obviously he was busey.

The next day after work my husband tells me he was talking to his friend and that his friend thought I was  crazy by calling him so much and I had made him really uncomfortable by telling him so much about our private business and how I crossed a line with him and he didn't want to be involved so was ignoring me. This really hurt and I cryed. My husband restated I needed my ownfriends and I should stop calling his. My husband thought it was a good idea that I stop being friends with his friend and get my own. After what he told me I agreed sadly. So, I erased his number from my phone right in front of my husband who told me I was dong the right thing.

However, I was crying and since my husband get irritated by my emotional melt downs I decided to take a drive. I was dark out so I found a quiet parking lot and just sat for a second. I decided to text my husbands friend and appology. He was a really good friend and I woul never want to make him uncomrofortable or mad. I felt really bad. So I sent him a text  telling him how I never got to tell him in person how sorry I was for crossing a line with him and I didn't me to bother him by calling so much. Also, I wanted him to know what a good person I thought he was. I then told him I would not bother him again and was erasing his number out of my pnone ( I thought our friendship was over by that point). However, within a couple of minutes later he calls me confused.

According to him he never got back to my calls because he heard my husband yelling at me and it upset him and he wanted to say something but it wasn't his place. He said he had actually tried calling me back but couldn't reach me. Apparently, at my husband parents house my husband (who was in a bad mood) got snippy with his mom. My husbands friend saw this and said it bothered him because if he treated his mother in such a manner he knew he treated me much worse (he had an abusive childhood so he hates yelling). Also, he confermed that I never made him uncomfortable in any way with what I told him. Instead he said he felt like he let me down by not calling me when I needed him and that there was something he wanted to tell me but didn't want my husband to know and didn't know if it was right aking me not to tell him. He did, however. He said he felt that my husband bordered on manipulation when he firt started dating me and that it never settled right with him. He felt I was yound and naive at the time had just lost my mother and my husband took advantage of a situation. He dosen't believe that he did it without realizing he pressured me into a relationship before I was really ready. He was my first for everything and was ten years older then me.

well, that was three weeks ago and I am back to being friends with my husbands friend and we talk to each other, share fossils, and send moon pics to each other (we both like astronomy...I'm a little more into it though).  My husband igonores this, tells me to stop talking to him and makes random suggestive comments which I stated at the top of this post.

I don't know what to do. I would consider leaving but my husband is sick at the momment and needs care. I am worried for his health and there is a very real possibility he may even die within the next five years. So, some of this may be steming form this. My husband also admits that he is very stressed at work and thats partialy why he snapped. I have tried to let everything go and have a pieceful existance with him. He seems happy right now and I try to keep him that way. Any advice would be great. Sorry so long.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to:
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 6:42pm

Your husband's comments about your relationship with his friend could be considered passive aggressive.  Possibly he needs his friend  to listen to his problems.  Yes making new friends for yourself would be good.  What is this illness that you mentioned?  Actually the reason he snapped could be that whatever you suggested threw him off his feed.  However,it is also apparent that other problems are coming to the surface.