Husbands Kidney Donor
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 10-23-2012 - 12:02pm|
I am giving up a kidney through a kidney exchange program inorder to save my husband. I love him but we are so different. He has little empathy for anyone and is not emotionaly supportive of me. It seems to me that as long as things are going fine he's fine, but if I am having a hard time with something he just doesn't want to deal with it.
I met my husband when I was 20yrs old. I was very naive because I was raised by my grandmother since I was 2yrs who was very old fashioned and very controlling. Growing up I was hardley ever allowed out of the house accept to go to school. Well, my grandmother ended up dying form cancer when I was 23 in the summer of 05. I had no friends, and I had no real family for emotional support. I was alone. So, when my only friend at the time said he would not speak to me again if I didn't date him I agreed. I couldn't bare to lose him too. He is now my husband.
My husband is going to have his second kidney transplant. He is on home dialysis and I help him with it every time. I want him to get better, but I don't know if I can stay. Even before his first kidney gave out he only wanted things his way. He has little empathy for anyone. Everything is always about him and what he wants. I have grown so much since I have been with him and I think he is falling out of love with me. He is still in love with the naive 20yr old he met and doesn't understand that I grew up. I am not the little girl who will just go along with whatever he wants from me. He loves me but is not in love I'm affraid. My husband is 10.5 years older then me and was my first for everything.
I hate to admitt this, but I recent him for not helping me when I needed it most. When my grandmother died I got thrown off my educational track. I wanted so badily to work in a medical related profession and had been doing well. However when she got sick I dropped classes to help her. Then when I returned to the new semester two weeks after her death I was so depressed and unmotivated. I got through but was told that I could just forget med school since I had to drop classes. Well my husband actually worked at the college where I went to schoold. He knew this was wrong, but didn't want me to go to med school because it would take too long. He knew other educational advisors who I could have talked to but instead told me to just suck it up and move on.
So, here I am now. I am still in school since the only thing I ever wanted to do is out of the picture now. I had to start all over in a completely new major then switched. My husband is pissed that I have not finished and demands I bring more money into the house. I'm Graduating next fall. He knows I recent him. Not just for that but other things to. I could make a list of all the times he has let me down. The wors thing is that I have made friends with one of his friends. We get along super well and my husband make remarks about it. His friend and I are the same age and finishing school at the same college but different programs. Sometimes I find myself wishing I would have met him first instead of my husband. Then I feel bad and guilty because he is my husbands friend and I shouldn't feel like I can connect more with him then my husband. I hate that I have developed feelings for him. What's worse is that he likes me and let it slip by accident one day. This is just wrong. I know but yet I wish it could work which is worse. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. One day my husbands friend told me when we were cashually chatting that he would always be my friend even if I divorced my husband because eventually my husband would pusth him to far and he would end the friendship. I don't know why he would tell me this, but I think I need to get away from both of them.
Well to make a long rant end do any of you think it would bad if I gave up a kidney to save my husbands life then divorce him? I don't want to hurt him but I think we shouldn't be togeather anymore. I just want him to be ok. He has family he is very close to. I will cut my loses. All I want is my freedom back.