Husband's past - disturbing revelation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Husband's past - disturbing revelation
11
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 7:41pm
I recently found out that the man I have been married to for 18 years had an affair with his best friend's wife (they were newly

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 8:14pm

Welcome to the board bonn1963,


I can understand how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 9:03pm



I found out about the affair when reading an old journal he had, which I probably should not have been reading in the first place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 9:15pm

I agree, I understand why you feel upset. I would too.

In order to get over this, which I assume you do if you're writing here, you'll have to ask yourself what this really changes between you. Knowing this information doesn't change the man you know and love, it's not a piece of information he brought into your marriage and it doesn't have to affect your relationship. If you had known this earlier, would you have called off the wedding and broken up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 9:18pm

::Perhaps if two years ago

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 9:29pm

I'm not sure what you mean by it is not a piece of info he brought into the marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 2:46am
I understand what your saying but yet there is no rule upon getting married that says we have to reveal any or all of our past indiscretions to our soon to be spouses. I suspect the reason he didn't tell you is because after all was said and done he probably was indeed ashamed of himself and didn't tell you because of what you'd think about him. Some people don't consider lies of omission really the same as lying and he probably didn't feel he was lying by not telling you. As far as what he was doing 2 years ago, that is a whole different matter and really has nothing to do with the other thing. If you are dealing with trust issues now, you should discuss that with him. He needs to do whatever you think it takes to restore trust with you. But I would not dwell on something that happened over 20 years ago or you will drive yourself crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 9:20am
I'm afraid I don't quite understand. You are talking about an affair that took place over 18 years ago and before your h even knew you? With someone you are no longer in touch with? Why is this a problem? What your h did with his life BEFORE he met you is your business...how? If people only married people who were 100% perfect prior to meeting them...omg, we'd all be lonely. Apologies if I misunderstood something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 9:40am

Perhaps you need to hear some background.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 9:47am
Why didn't you mention this info in your first post?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 12:40pm
You are right.

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