husbands porn addiction
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husbands porn addiction
| Wed, 11-14-2007 - 2:03pm |
This isn't news to me, but it does seem to be increasing. I feel so angry right now. And hurt. My husband of 30 years, seems to have this secret side of him. I know he looks at porn ALOT. When I ask him about it he says it gets sent to his email. Well, it gets sent to my email too, but the difference is I don't open them. Well today I noticed on the computer that he went to a site called married women who cheat, I mean really. It did not appear on our desktop all by itself.
A little background, our sex life is not the best right now. And this is part of the reason. How the heck can I feel turned on when it bothers me so much that he has to be involved in porn. It is so stupid to me. When I ask him he tells me he isn't doing it and when I tell him how much it hurts me would he please stop, he tells me I don't know what I am talking about. He is very computer savy so he knows how to erase the evidence. Sometimes I can go for months thinking he has stopped and then I will see that he really hasn't. He even has left a site up on the task bar. Tomarrow we are supposed to go on a trip together and I don't even want to look at him. He knows how I feel about porn and yet he continues to do it. I feel violated and disgusted. What am I supposed to do? How do I act like this isn't a problem between us. Remember I can't say anything to him because he will turn it around and make this look like it is my fault.
Thanks for any advice.
A little background, our sex life is not the best right now. And this is part of the reason. How the heck can I feel turned on when it bothers me so much that he has to be involved in porn. It is so stupid to me. When I ask him he tells me he isn't doing it and when I tell him how much it hurts me would he please stop, he tells me I don't know what I am talking about. He is very computer savy so he knows how to erase the evidence. Sometimes I can go for months thinking he has stopped and then I will see that he really hasn't. He even has left a site up on the task bar. Tomarrow we are supposed to go on a trip together and I don't even want to look at him. He knows how I feel about porn and yet he continues to do it. I feel violated and disgusted. What am I supposed to do? How do I act like this isn't a problem between us. Remember I can't say anything to him because he will turn it around and make this look like it is my fault.
Thanks for any advice.

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Welcome to the board scarlett2007,
How do you know he isn't cheating if he is on sites called Married Women Who Cheat?
If his porn use is affecting your sex life it is not okay. This is bothering you and you need to talk to him about it. It is not your fault that he is looking at it so don't let him tell you that it is.
If he has been doing this for a long time it is unlikely that he will stop. Would he go to counseling with you to work through this?
glitter-graphics.com
as a guy, I'll give you this advice.
ALL men DO NOT look at porn and ALL men DO NOT have a consciousness that resides in their penis - that is ridiculous!
Seriously, if what you state is true then no man deserves to be loved and respected by a woman because they are incapable of reciprocating.
First of all, don't buy into the crap that all men do it and it's NORMAL.
Oh please.
I am sorry that this is hurting you. I do think that most men look at porn occasionally, or at least would enjoy it but maybe are afraid of their significant other. I personally don't mind it and will even enjoy it with my boyfriend sometimes and I never feel that it has harmed me in any way. but I know that many women do not feel that way.
it sounds like your husband's use may be excessive and involve some amount of lying and deception, as well as perhaps crossing the line into where he may be looking for actual women. (I have seen an ad for a cheating wives site that was not pornography, but a personals "hookup" site.) I think if you are able to have an honest talk with each other without being based on accusation but on a desire to understand maybe it would help. maybe he is lonely to see a woman's body because like you say your sex life is not at its best right now. or maybe his behavior is something ingrained in him that was from before he met you. either way you need to talk to him before he cheats and puts your health at risk, and fighting without real communication doesn't solve anything. again, I am sorry that you are going through this. my dad cheated on my mom and had a history of being secretive with his computer use as well. their relationship was only able to -start- to heal by being completely and totally honest with each other, basically it takes a re-evaluation of your commitment to one another on both sides. involving his ability to change, and yours to understand and forgive and give him that chance. I hope it goes well.
I stand by my statement.
Porn is not even remotely the same as noticing an attractive woman - unless you're ogling, walking around with an erection and looking for a place to masturbate.
If you are sexualizing every attractive female you see - you are objectifying and disrespecting her and you ARE in the minority.
All of the studies I have read state absolutely that porn
Oh sorry.
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