husbands porn addiction hurts
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husbands porn addiction hurts
| Mon, 12-01-2003 - 6:26pm |
I am 25 and I have been married for 2 yrs. Weve been together for 4 yrs.We have 3 kids. My husband was a loner for a long time and has only had 2 sex partners.One is me. He says that he looked at porn at a young age and has always done it. I found some tapes while I was cleaning the first time and asked him about it. He said he was sorry and trashed them. I was way pregnant so it really got to me. I have found him on the net downloading porn, getting porn pics, he even brought some pics home from work one time. He tries to hide it. I have had a self image problem ever sense I had my first baby. I just dont look like I used to and never will without plastic surgery. My tummy skin didnt shrink back. I now have the worst self image I have ever had and he knows this. I thought I was fine with it and told him not to hide it from me.It was easier looking with him than him hiding it,knowing it hurt me,and still doing it. I know it is normal to look. But it makes me feel insecure. There are somethings that he looks at that I have found that make me want him never to touch me again.I thought he was over it and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then I found some teen pics that have just floored me.This is the first time I have found teenagers. They dont look like teens but that was what he was searching for. He cant keep doing this to me.I love him and dont want to leave him but I have had all I can take of the emotional rollercoaster.I have 3 kids to care for. I cant lay in bed all day and cry, I dont want my girls to see my bad image or my son for that matter.I know Im not ugly but it still hurts me. What can I do for me and my husband? He says he knows it is a problem but cant stop.Is it addiction and can it be helped?

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First off I just wanted to say that Iam so sorry you are going thru this. I also wanted to tell you that after I read your first message i was relieved in knowing that I'm not alone. I went through this with my husband as well. What made it so hard for me was i have despised porn for as long as I can remember and I always will. When I was a small child I would find my father's porno and I was very confused about what i was seeing. My husband was very aware of this when we got together he knew that porno was an extremely painful thing for me. But, he chose to look at it on the internet anyway. It killed me. This was a year ago, I too cannot get over it. I have 2 children and I too no longer look like I used to. I no longer have that small stomach that I once had and it bugs me to no end. Especially when I see the fake, flat stomached, plastic boobed broads he found so attractive. Sorry, I still have alot of anger. But I didn't want to end my marriage either. My husband swore he would not do it again and I haven't discovered anything since. But I still don't totally believe that he's not doing it. And now its affected all aspects of our life together. He recently got a new job and he works with women where he didn't work with too many before and I'm worried that they're all perfect looking and he's gettin nothing but eye candy all day. Hopefully I'm wrong but it just bothers me that I think this way now. Since I made the choice to stay with him I do have to try to just keep my thoughts to myself alot of the time. I also found a great website that helped understand the topic of pornography a little bit better. You may want to check it out it's www.xxxchurch.com. There you can read several different messages from people like us but also people that are addicted to porn. It was helpful to me. It obviously didn't cure my problem but it did help. I want you to know that you can email me anytime you need to. You made that comment that you're alone and I know that is a horrible feeling. my email address is memphisqueen13@yahoo.com Hang in there and check out that site.
Sincerely,
Amy
Ok, the 15 year old girls is not acceptable (then again neither is Kazaa in general it will ruin your computer if you keep it on there, but anyways).
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
hugs sweetie ----- to me, sorry, but your husbands behavior is totally unacceptable in a marriage. for him to say that "He says he knows it is a problem but cant stop." is something you might accept at an 4 YO level. your husband is a grown up and a father. this does in fact sound like an addiction, and if he is looking at YOUNG GIRLS (or other topics which you don't mention) then this is a serious problem. I am not normally an hysterical person, but honestly,
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
Second of all, I hate to say this, but your husband is not responsible for *your* insecurities. (Unless he actually tells you that you're ugly/fat/that he likes porn more than you/etc.) *You* are responsible for feeling good about your body image. It simply isn't his job.
Lastly, and IMO this is the MOST important thing.....if he is looking at teenage or kiddie porn then you need to report him, and get yourself and your children the he** away from him....NOW. Whether he's addicted or not, teen/kiddie porn is reprehensible and should not be tolerated.
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