husbands porn addiction

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
husbands porn addiction
48
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 2:03pm
This isn't news to me, but it does seem to be increasing. I feel so angry right now. And hurt. My husband of 30 years, seems to have this secret side of him. I know he looks at porn ALOT. When I ask him about it he says it gets sent to his email. Well, it gets sent to my email too, but the difference is I don't open them. Well today I noticed on the computer that he went to a site called married women who cheat, I mean really. It did not appear on our desktop all by itself.
A little background, our sex life is not the best right now. And this is part of the reason. How the heck can I feel turned on when it bothers me so much that he has to be involved in porn. It is so stupid to me. When I ask him he tells me he isn't doing it and when I tell him how much it hurts me would he please stop, he tells me I don't know what I am talking about. He is very computer savy so he knows how to erase the evidence. Sometimes I can go for months thinking he has stopped and then I will see that he really hasn't. He even has left a site up on the task bar. Tomarrow we are supposed to go on a trip together and I don't even want to look at him. He knows how I feel about porn and yet he continues to do it. I feel violated and disgusted. What am I supposed to do? How do I act like this isn't a problem between us. Remember I can't say anything to him because he will turn it around and make this look like it is my fault.
Thanks for any advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 3:54am
'She has told him it hurts her - he told her she doesn't know she's talking about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 10:56am

She is not being heard and her needs are not being met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:01am

I absolutely agree with your post!


Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 1:53pm
I totally disagree. The fact that porn is taking a precedent over his sex life with his w is the first thing that stands out as pointing to it being a porn addiction. Second, he is probably interacting with other women on line per the sites he is visiting. Both of these are strong indications of a porn addiction.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 4:06pm

For staters, the problem here is deeper than porn. He is being disrepectful to you in other ways as well. By telling you that you do not know what you're talking about, he is dismissing your feelings and needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 6:00pm
Her post stated that it is impacting their sex life because she is not interested in sex because of what she believes he is doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 8:04pm

My apologies. You are right about the lack of sex.

There are still red flags, but, without this one, you are right. It's difficult to make a call on whether he may be involved in EA's/Cyber-Cheating without a porn addiction or with a porn addiction. Clearly, he is involved with porn enough to lie to her, to go to inappropriate web sites, and to possibly be looking to hook up with someone on or off line.

Regardless of what he is doing, he is treating her disrespectfully. That is NOT okay under any circumstances.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 12:49pm
Thats just it, I fear that maybe he is cyber cheating and what that could lead to. I feel he has this whole other secret life on the internet and that is what hurts me. He is not easy to talk to either. He acts embarrassed and tells me I don't know what I am talking about when I question him about the porn. He says it just shows up in his email. I recently found out that he had contacted an old girlfriend on classmates. I guess it just makes me so sad.
We have been married for 30 years, since we were 21. The thought of having sex with him is just so revolting to me at this point. I can not wrap my mind around the thought of him and whatever it is that he does on the internet.
I once asked him point blank if he corresponds with the hos on the internet and he just laughed at me.
We went away this weekend and I knew he was going to want sex so I had to get drunk to tolerate it. That's just wrong. This is the only area we have trouble in. We basically go day to day pretending this thing is not between us.
i guess counseling would be in order, but I doubt I could get him to go for the same reason I want to go. He would just laugh at me and tell me this isn't a "problem".
So how else can I get resolution when he refuses to believe there is a problem. I need to do it for me.
Scarlett
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 1:03pm

Men look at porn, it is very very common, the man who doesn't is the exception. Really. Men are visual and it's just a physical instinctive thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 1:05pm
Ok how about almost all men with a normal sex drive look at porn? If you don't think a man is worthy of love and respect because he looks at porn, you are in for a dysfunctional relationship on some level. Some are just better at sneaking and hiding than others.