husbands porn addiction
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husbands porn addiction
| Wed, 11-14-2007 - 2:03pm |
This isn't news to me, but it does seem to be increasing. I feel so angry right now. And hurt. My husband of 30 years, seems to have this secret side of him. I know he looks at porn ALOT. When I ask him about it he says it gets sent to his email. Well, it gets sent to my email too, but the difference is I don't open them. Well today I noticed on the computer that he went to a site called married women who cheat, I mean really. It did not appear on our desktop all by itself.
A little background, our sex life is not the best right now. And this is part of the reason. How the heck can I feel turned on when it bothers me so much that he has to be involved in porn. It is so stupid to me. When I ask him he tells me he isn't doing it and when I tell him how much it hurts me would he please stop, he tells me I don't know what I am talking about. He is very computer savy so he knows how to erase the evidence. Sometimes I can go for months thinking he has stopped and then I will see that he really hasn't. He even has left a site up on the task bar. Tomarrow we are supposed to go on a trip together and I don't even want to look at him. He knows how I feel about porn and yet he continues to do it. I feel violated and disgusted. What am I supposed to do? How do I act like this isn't a problem between us. Remember I can't say anything to him because he will turn it around and make this look like it is my fault.
Thanks for any advice.
A little background, our sex life is not the best right now. And this is part of the reason. How the heck can I feel turned on when it bothers me so much that he has to be involved in porn. It is so stupid to me. When I ask him he tells me he isn't doing it and when I tell him how much it hurts me would he please stop, he tells me I don't know what I am talking about. He is very computer savy so he knows how to erase the evidence. Sometimes I can go for months thinking he has stopped and then I will see that he really hasn't. He even has left a site up on the task bar. Tomarrow we are supposed to go on a trip together and I don't even want to look at him. He knows how I feel about porn and yet he continues to do it. I feel violated and disgusted. What am I supposed to do? How do I act like this isn't a problem between us. Remember I can't say anything to him because he will turn it around and make this look like it is my fault.
Thanks for any advice.

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Not to bore you with my stats, but depending on the research, the
A couple of the men I've dated use porn casually when they're not in a relationship, but in a fulfilling sexual relationship, they put it away and don't feel they "need" it.
Liking porn doesn't mean the same thing for all men. Believe it or not, there are guys who can ignore it or...Take care of themselves without it. Some are okay with saying "no problem, if it bothers you then I won't do it" and then really, they stop. It just isn't important to everyone. If he's lying and hiding it, then the problems are far greater than just porn - could it signify an addiction? Sure, but addiction to something is a very serious accusation, and by definition it means that he CAN'T stop without a true intervention. It's not often that we realize that some guys simply do not WANT to stop badly enough. There's a distinct difference.
I'm sure that the men who really do have a porn addiction are in far lesser amount than those who just like porn more than appeasing the woman in their lives. A lot of men say, "well why should I have to choose, that's stupid, I'm not doing anything to hurt her, I'm not cheating on her, it's not right for her to control me." And in a way... They're sort of right. It's just a different point of view (this being a moral argument, different points of view can be different but still valid). But nonetheless, it's important to take her feelings into consideration, and if he's not going to comply with her demands, he should at least do it with honesty so that she can genuinely make the decision to leave or not, because at that point, that's what needs to be done.That, I think, is the biggest problem with couples who disagree on porn. He has to hide it to keep her from getting angry while still getting what he wants, and she has to put up with dishonesty and sneakiness in return for her dislike of what he's doing. It's not right, or fair, but you know, communication is what it comes down to for ANY relationship problem... And if you don't like one another to act with integrity and honesty then you don't really have much to work on.
My two cents as usual
I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.
You have every right to set any personal boundaries that are comfortable for you and to expect that someone you're in a relationship with respects that.
But if he is lying and acting in ways that for you are DEFINITE DEAL-BREAKERS... Maybe the time has come that you need to say "this isn't healthy for me anymore" and leave? If a man doesn't change then you only have two options, and one of them isn't "keep trying to change him"
Someone who doesn't respect those boundaries that you agreed upon is not worth keeping around, marriage or not.
I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.
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