Husbands threats

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Husbands threats
2
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:08am
Here's my situation. I recently had a baby 6 months ago and since then my husbnad has been complaining about the lack of sex in our relationship. I also have two other kids along with the new baby and I am on the go constantly taking care of them. I wake up with the baby often during the night ( Baby is not a sleeper!) so when I get the kids down to bed at night I myself am wipped out and usually go to bed once I get all of them to bed. On top of this I recently found out that when I was at the doctors that my Annual Pap came back abnormal. Which the doctors are watching now to see what is going on.

This past weekend, my husband made the comment of " If we don't start having sex more often, he wont want it from me anymore, and then he said then I will land up having to go for help. I dont know how to take that comment from him. I am basically doing all the work with the bab. He has not once gotten up with the baby since he was born. He never did with the other two kids either. He has no clue how he made me feel when he said that and when I tried talking to him he just walked away.

Does anyone out there have any advise? I dont know what to do anymore at this point

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 12:50pm

It's time for the two of you to have a good heart to heart talk about this. He needs to understand that it's normal right after the birth of a baby for a mother to be exhausted and also at times for sexual desire to decrease. He also needs tounderstand that if he pitched in and helped more with the baby, you would be able to be more available to him. One person can't be the one who's doing all the giving. It does'nt work that way. As this could become quite a problem, and as he is brewing resentment and probably feeling displaced by the baby and all the love and attention the baby is getting (and he feels he is getting none) - as this situation has many layers, I would certainly recommend that the two of you talk to a professional counsellor, w ho can help you both sort out all the issues involved. It's unhealthy for him to hold onto anger and resetment, and to be unwilling to see it from your side.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 12:59pm
Definitely sit down and have a discussion about this. Tell him why you aren't interested in sex and what he can do to help you become interested in sex again - basically taking some of the pressure off you so that you don't fall into bed exhasted at the end of each day. I'm thinking that him getting up with the baby sometimes during the night so you can sleep would go along way to increasing your energy. Also, relieving your stress by handling the kids for an evenning while you take a hot bath all by yourself will relax you and help get you in the mood. Tell him that you WANT to be interested in sex, but it's not a switch you can turn on and off and that even though he is frustrated, threats aren't the way to get you in the mood.