Husban's crazy friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
Husban's crazy friend...
2
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 2:40pm

My husband's best friend (they have known each other since high school, were room mates in college, etc.) and business partner and I absolutely do not get along. Obviously, this has caused a problem in my marriage. I have been married for 15 years and we have had our ups and downs but we have a (normally!) very loving and great relationship. I am still very much in love with my husband and he is with me.

My husband's friend/business partner is a very demanding, demeaning person to his wife and everyone around him EXCEPT MY HUSBAND. My husband (let's call him Bob) is a very laid back kind of guy. He can get along with anyone. My husband's friend (let's call him Jack) is petty and mean to everyone including my children. Here is an example : Their office is behind my house. My oldest daughter was home washing our car. Jacked asked my daughter to wash his car. So, she did. He was to pay her $15. He went around and inspected the car and found a few specs of dirt and told her he would only pay her half because the job was not done to his approval. Now this is an 11 year old kid we are talking about. So, she told him that she did not want his money if the job was not done right in his eyes to keep the money. (WTG!) Oh, that just burned me up. There is an incident like this about once every other week. Either I have said something wrong or my children have done something wrong. Usually something petty or stupid. (ie I joked about getting my hair done and how much it cost. Jack made a HUGE deal out of me getting my hair done! Big deal! My conversation was not even with him!) I truly feel like he is trying to sabbotage my relationship and I don't know how to stop it!

Needless to say Bob did not say anything to Jack b/c he is trying to keep the peace at work. But I wanted to say something. So, now I am angry with Bob and Jack. I want to set boundaries for Jack (and his family) being in our lives but I always come across as angry (b/c I am) and demanding. How can I set these boundaries without looking like the wicked witch of the west? Every time I try to have this conversation I am told that I am being too sensitive and I need to learn to let things go and that I am going overboard.

Any advice would be great! Am I taking things too seriously or should I just let them go as my husband says?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 5:56pm

Tiredgallady, I can't give you any advice on how to deal with this in a tactful or proactive manner, but I can tell a similar story of what happened to me.

DH had a friend who was OK. Not great, but tolerable. But his new wife was a total pain in the butt. They used to come and have pizza at our house regularly but it got to the stage where I was saying "if they're coming over, I'm going out". DH told me it would be rude of me to go out and really objected to me doing so. Like your husband, he is very easy going and said I should just let it go. So I didn't go out.

Anyway, I was getting more and more irritated with her behaviour and DH still didn't appreciate how I felt and wanted me to stay when they came each time. So one night, when she was being a continual PIA, I totally lost my temper and gave her a complete dressing down. I did not plan to do this, it just came out.

We've never seen them since. (yeah)

Interestingly enough, DH has never spoken to me about this incident despite loosing a friend. I suppose he realises that he should have agreed to me avoiding them.

In your shoes....the one thing I could not tolerate is his treatment of your children. I'd have to say something. And the hair comment probably see me saying in a firm voice "f off Jack". (and I NEVER cuss)

good luck. And I hope some other posters have advice that is less confrontational than what I did!

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 1:00am

Welcome to the board tiredgallady,


I can't believe your husband won't even stand up for his own child.