I am crazy I know

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
I am crazy I know
1
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 11:34am
The story is more than likely the same. You meet someone become friends and then lovers. Everything is good until the onion layers come off. The man I met was great but somewhere in my head I knew it would only last about 3 months. It has lasted almost a year but the last several have been hard. He was invloved in another relationship with a woman who lived in another country. She came here in Jan and stayed until March. He at first wanted to end things with me while he sorted out the situation with her.But that lasted about 24 hours and we decided to keep seeing each other and he would figure out how to handle the situation. She wanted to get married and have children. He did not want to get married and have children. He is 53 with one 13 year and 2 adult children from a previous marriage. They fight all the time and she has become disinterested in anything that does not relate to marriage and children she is 37. I actually had met her before we started seeing each other.

I was a distraction and we fit really well together. I am a little closer in age and life experience with a daughter who will be going off to college next fall, I am 43. My biggest problem is that we spent so much time together in the last year and had so much fun that I am not sure how to let go. He has had the same problem. The relationship with the other woman invloved a promise to marry and he feels that he has to follow through.

She found out about us while she was here. She read his emails and went through his cell phone and house phone to check. She read an email that said he was going to end things with her and he prefered our relationship. He and I have broken up 4 times in the last 6 months the longest was 4 weeks most of the breaks last only a few days or hours.Usually he calls me and I am too weak to turn him away. The break up occur after she has called sometimes every minute for three hours and she says you owe me I waited for you all this time, you are with her I know you are let me talk to her. I hear her screaming on the phone and on the answering machine.

The pressure was getting to be too much for both of us. He handles stress with drinking. I just can't think. His drinking got so out of hand that he was experiencing health problems. He has been sober for 5 years. His adult children were saying he had changed again and they did not like how he was with the constant phone calls she was making. (sometimes they start at 5am and go on unitl 2 am the next day)He had to account for all his time and who he was with she used the kids to see if we were together. He was angry and his temper was casuing him to get in trouble. I thought he was going to have a stroke or heart attack or end up in jail. So I called his parents and spoke with his mother. She and I had a very nice talk and she made me laugh many times and said she hoped to meet me. I knew that once he found out that I talked to them that would be the end of the relationship. I was right he figured out I talked to them becuase many of the health problems he was having no one knew except me. I was also right about 4 days later he traveled the 15 hours by plane to see her. I asked his brother to go and see him and just be a buffer between them. His brother had to take him to a clinic his blood pressure had gone up to 165/150. It took 4 days to lower to a lesser stage 130/80.This guy works out 3 times a week and his in good physcial healt. He had physcial about 6 months ago and was fine.

He will be back in a few days and I am not sure if I should try and talk to him or if he will call me. I would like to clear the air with him. We related on so many levels. He always like to just talk to me about everything both good bad and inbetween. He often asked me what to do in both his business as well as his family. When we don't talk he doesn't talk to anyone and stresses and worries even more.

Am I crazy or what to still want him in my life. I am not sure if I want marriage. I just don't want to not have him in my life. Most of the time his actions mirror the same. What can I do or should I do nothing and make the effort to not respond if he calls me? He is just so mad at me. He has never been mad at me before, but I have never as he said betrayed him. He said I was not his friend and that I only did this to get him. Trouble is I think I was letting him go but trying to put someone else in his life to help him when I was gone. Now I almost regret that he feels so hurt. Long post what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: doc0ne
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:40pm
Let's see - he's a liar (to the gal in the other country), makes false promises, cheats too, and leads women on, has his cake and eat it too - and he's angry with you, he's hurt? OMG. Run from this man. He doesn't know what he really wants (except sex) and he's not relationship/committment material as he doesn't really understand the meaning of words such as loyality, committment, truth, love.....

I know this was harsh. But I think you deserve so much better.


Carrie