I am desperate to save a relationship
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I am desperate to save a relationship
| Thu, 10-07-2004 - 9:24pm |
I had been dating a a guy for about a month, and we met almost a year before we started to date. What concerns me is that he really proved to me that he was very intrested in me to the point that I felt he was falling in love. So one night after class we did the usual thing, we had been hanging out for a couple of ours. Then he decided to officially make it a date and took me to a diner. When we left the diner we were discussing on how much we had been feeling each other but that he wanted me the right way. Then I proceeded on asking him to take me to a motel I felt he deserved an intimate time with me after all he did for me. The problem in our relationship was that I failed to believe in him when he had proved so much to me. All that time I never took him seriously not because I was not interested but because I was scared to also fall in love. One night he called me up and decided to invite me to hang with a friend of his and one of our female fellow classmates who he had a quick fling with. At the club she tried to get very close with him like provocative and he aloud it in front of me. I was at the dance floor with his friend dancing and watching what occured. I got really upset and took him to a private place and smaked him, punched him and went wild on him. Three weeks later I realized that what I had done was not right, I called him up and apologized and he accepted my apology. However, he did tell me he will never forgive me for touching his face and therefore, he deleted my number. Since then we have ran into each other and it looks like he is really hurt and won't be the same. He will only speak to me if it is necessary please tell me what can I do?

That is not the right way to think! Just because someone is nice to you, or takes you out to dinner, and is interested in you does not mean you have to give them sex or whatever you are talking about. You should be intimate with someone because you love them - not to repay them. Please change this thinking. Also I think you were probably intimate too soon in your relationship. You had your 1st real date, and then you went to a motel? that sounds kind of trashy to me.
Now on to the situation...
I think you crossed a line with him and there is no going back. Just like if a man hit you in the face and went crazy, would you let him back in your life? I hope your answer is no because once someone has hit you and gone over that line, you should not let them back in - that is advice you would hear from anyone.
So, even though you are a woman and you probably didn't really physically hurt him, you have showed him you have a violent temper. Have you ever acted this way before to anyone else? If the answer is yes, then you need to get help. I am not saying you are crazy, but some counseling for your anger will help you in the future so this does not happen again.
As far as this guy, let him go, you messed up. Just know that for your next relationahip you should never get violent and you should never feel like you have to give the guy an intimate time.
Reading material to consider as well:
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
Edited 10/8/2004 1:12 pm ET ET by itwinflame
Carrie