I am doing it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
I am doing it again
2
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:46pm
I am doing it again. I am so darn posessive, so jealous and you would think a woman in her late 40 should know better than that or have learned something out of past relationships. I met a really nice person just about 2 1/2 month ago. We had great chemistry and have been seeing eachother at least once a week. He is a shy guy, rather intimate in his thoughts and does not talk a lot. I am the opposite. I ask questions. I am a very impatient person and when I want to know I want to know right now. So here I am bugging him. Now he is upset, and he is right because I should have given it time. But it is too late. He did not really break up with me, but I expect it every minute now. I cannot call him, because I feel so stupid with the way I behaved.

I know my faults and I know it is not right, but I just cannot turn it around. I am hurt right now, because I do not want to loose him. He is too upset right now to talk to me and like I said I do not blame him. I hope deep in my heart he is going to call me and I will deeply try to change. But do I really want too, do I want to go into a relationship where I have to watch what I am saying. It is always the same, I mess it up and than I hope that they call back. Now this one, I am sure he is history.

I am so tired of myself and the hurt feelings I have. I want to change so bad but it is so hard by myself. He was a nice guy and I messed it up like so many times before. Now I am back in my eggshell, trying to avoid everyone just to get over the pain and it is hard to get out.

Has anyone a good book about how to change and be normal. Maybe I should take Prozac :-)

Thank's for reading and thank's for any advise you can give.

HH

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:49pm
It sounds like you need more than a relationship. Have you thought about therapy? That's not an insult, I was in therapy for quite some time. It seems that some of us have socially "unacceptable" thoughts, feelings and behaviors. That doesn't make us wrong, just different. It sounds like you need a neutral environment where you can just talk about your feelings. If you choose therapy, be careful to pick someone you can have confidence in.

As far as relationships, if you can find someone who can accept you with your idiosyncrasies, great, but if not, try not to let it effect your self-worth. People have all sorts of motives for why they treat other people the way they do and it may have nothing to do with who you really are. I will tell you that I've experienced a person who was pushy about getting information and I eventually concluded he was just selfish all the way around. However, that's not universal. You may have other reasons for why you do what you do, but it's always good to consider others' feelings also. Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:31pm
Women - Overcome Jealousy

Trusted experts can help you tackle jealousy & regain self confidence!

www.selfesteem4women.com

How To Eliminate Jealousy

Overcome Jealousy, Release Fears Increase Love & Connection

www.NoMoreJealousy.com

Jealousy, Taming the Green-Eyed Monster by Eugene, Schoenfeld

If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl G. Hindy

Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness by Paul A. Hauck

Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures by Ayala Malach Pines


Carrie