I am lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
I am lost
10
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 4:52pm

Hi


I have been married for almost 5 years an I have 2 year old son. But I am not happy anymore, I feel like me and my husband grew apart- since our son was born we switched schedules so we wouldn't have to use day care. Now I feel like my husband is somebody that I share house, bills and our son- bot nothing more. He is more a friend to me than a lover. On top of this I have met somebody about 7 months ago- he is a friend of my friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:15pm

Welcome to the board zagubiona,


It sounds like you and your husband need to reconnect. I would recommended going on a vacation together, even if it is just a weekend away, so you can spend some good quality time together. It also sound likes you could be helped my marriage counseling. Have you are your husband discussed or tried to work through the intimacy issues you have?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:22pm

Welcome to the board zagubiona,


Sorry you are feeling the way you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:28pm

We never got help , my husband was always thinking that time will fix this, and when we had sex he was thinking it is getting better- but it wasn't. I don't know if

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:33pm

As of right now I don't know if I wan't to fight for my relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:37pm

Maybe individual counseling would be of better help to you at the moment. It will give you a safe place to vent and help you figure out what you want.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:41pm
I was thinking about it but I don't have idea how to find a counselor. Do I jut pick somebody from yellow pages?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:44pm
If you have health insurance, you can all them and see who the recommend or who is covered under your policy.
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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 6:35pm

Clearly, you and your husband have issues that go back for awhile. Also, it is clear that you are so unhappy in this marriage and the two of you cannot heal these problems on your own. Rather than find someone else, I suggest you find an excellent therapist that you see together, or see by yourself. With the help of a well trained professional you can both work on what is wrong between the two of you and find a way either to heal the relationship, or to make other choices in a healthy, honest way.


It never works to run to someone else to deal with problems you have. The same problems crop up time and again in new situations. The best way is to honestly do your best to understand and handle your problems. That way, whatever happens, you will be able to be in a relationship that works for you. Whether with your partner or later on, someone else.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 9:09pm

ok I wil try that


thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
In reply to: zagubiona
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 9:17pm

You are probably wright that is better to work on issues than dropping them, but it seems so much easier to quit than work - I feel like I have been working on it for way to long and that we have more problems than enjoying each other, it is really scary to think that I don't feel passionate about my husband any more, but I can see myself with other man