I am in need of some advice HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
I am in need of some advice HELP
6
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 12:56pm
I have been married for 16 yrs this june,and my problem is that my husband has never had any interest in me or our 2 children.He has these mood swings and take everything out on me that happens at his job.He wanted me to stay home and take care of the children the house and him.I do everything around here he does nothing but sleep,eat ,and work.Over this last weekend he told me i was sleeping with someone else.I have NEVER been with anyone else since we have gotten together 18 yrs ago.I take my vows very seriously.Our kids are afraid to ask him anything cause he is always so mean to them.I don't know if his accusing me of sleeping with someone is because he is doing it or what it is.I really could use some help on this one.He is a truck driver.PLEASE HELP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:21pm
Oh no - you have to get out of your marriage. How could he do those terrible things to you and your children?? Cheating on you and seeming to have no intention of stopping! - he could bring home STDs or worse, HIV home to you! How can you let him lay in bed with you or even look at him?? I think you know the answer to your post, but you may just want to hear others tell you how horribly you are being treated, or perhaps ways to make it easier to get out. Your children are growing up and they are being influenced by harmful behavior that will affect them the rest of their lives. I wish you had more stability if you were to be on your own, since you haven't worked to take care of the children. Look for a job, find some independence and leave. What has your family said about all of this, God knows, my parents, sisters and friends would never stand by and let someone be mean to me and my children and cheat on me on a regular basis.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:29pm
Actually, he accused her of cheating.

To the original poster-

I can't imagine putting up with this for so long. He is abusive to you are your kids. Do you want to keep subjecting them to this? What are you teaching them by staying in this marriage?

Before you say that you don'tbelieve in divorce-consider whether you really have a 'marriage'.You don't really have anything that those marriage vows(that only you take seriously) stand for do you? Does he respect you or honor you?

Also, often times people accuse their partners of cheating because they are projecting. They assume their spouses have the same values or lack thereof as themselves. Do you think he could be the one who is cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:04pm
Oh, ok, I see, I read it wrong. Well, if your husband is so unhappy with his family, perhaps he should get a taste of how happy he'd be without them for a while.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:15pm
I just put up a post on there that is a bit similar to you. I have no idea why he would accuse you of cheating... meanwhile I have the same problem with my boyfriend... I think the same thing that perhaps he is and therefore has guilt and is placing it on me... but then again, I know his moves so I don't know. I think that you and your husband should try and get a night away together.... go to a hotel and try to rekindle... talk about your relationship and try to tell him the way that you have been feeling. Perhaps talking to him outside the house will be better... You need to communicate with him about the way that you feel.... Being that your husband is a truck driver, I am guessing that he is out of the house a lot. If this is the case, it probably makes you lonely a lot and he probably knows it and therefore may accuse you of cheating.... Is this the first time he has accused you of anything??? If you want my advice... I feel you need to COMMUNICATE!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:12pm
I have tried again and again to communicate with him and he doesn't want to know my feelings.He has not physicaly

abused me or my kids it's all emotionally.I really don't know how to get through to him.And as for the cheating i really don't know what to think anymore.He is a truck driver but he is home in the daytime and he knows i am also but to take the kids to school and pick them up.He is home all weekend long we have tried family nights but he always gets upset about one thing or another.I myself am very stressed and don't know what to think anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:21am
'He has not physicaly

abused me or my kids it's all emotionally'

So why put up with it any longer? Why subject your children to more emotional abuse? What will they learn about relationships, respect, how to treat others, how to be treated, love, and how will this affect their self-esteem?