I am scared
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I am scared
| Fri, 12-26-2003 - 1:55pm |
I have been married for 10 years. On Christmas Eve my husband told me that he thinks he has fallen out of love with me. He says he still cares but is confused and doesnt know what he wants. We have a 7 yr old boy. I don't know what to do. It seems like the more I try to talk to him the more withdrawn he gets. All he says is that he doesn't know what he wants. He has been very stressed lately. A friend that he consider his brother died unexpectedly in September and we have recently bought a house. In fact I am getting ready to make the 1st house payment today! I don't know if this is something that will pass or what to think. Any advise would be wonderful. I don't have many friends to talk to about this. I did ask him if there was someone else and he said no... Help!!

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You said this happened 4 yrs ago. How are things today? Are you still together? I am trying to hold on to the fact that my husband is still at home with us.
Here is what I think ( my 2 cents):
Your husband has tremendous guilt. The fact he won't open up to you (when you express he was your best friend ) means he has something to hide... Perhaps with your "friend" the one who lost her husband, who also called about the DVD in her SUV, the one who "KNOWS" about your situation. How is it that she knows and no one else does in your circle of friends and family? I'm not trying to be cruel or mean, just trying to give you some clues as to why you mentioned this "friend" and how kind your husband was to tell her "He/You would be around for the weekend". It seems to me, your husband has a lot of advice and energy to help this "friend" but very little time and effort to speak openly to you.
Something is definitely FISHY with this woman. If I were you, I would look into it. No matter what happens, GOD knows you are worthy to be respected, loved and cherished.
Best wishes.
why do ya'll keep blaming it on midlife crisis, or the death of his friend? why can't it just be because he's a jerk? because thats what it sounds like to me .......he had a million opportunities to tell you his feelings but he chose to do it on Christmas Eve? come onnnnnnnnnnn please
stop holding onto the fact that he's still there, stop lying to yourself to make yourself feel better ... he's obviously only there because he feels like he has to be and not because he wants to be ....... take care of yourself & your son and boot that idiot out the door and tell him to stay there until he decides what he wants!!!
Love dont pay the bills honey, and a broken heart always mends ... stop being so weak
Men grieve in different ways than women. They distant themselves. They don't mean to, but it's in their genes or something. They distant themselves from the most importnant person in their lives. Since your husband just lost a good friend, chances are is he is afraid or losing you and your son. I think he is just trying to protect himself from feeling that kind of pain again.
Have faith, don't give up.
Amy
has realized that you just do not match the expectations he had of you. Perhaps he is one who is interested in the news of the world and all you watch is soap operas. When you are with others you show ignorance of current events and it embarrases him. Perhaps, you have taken to much for granted. Do you discuss with him the problems associated with bills? How
much weight have you gained. Are all your activities centered around the kids (if you have any) Lots of things can come into the situation. If you can not get him to talk to you, then it makes it real hard. In my case, when I speak to my wife, she just says if you want a divorce get one.
One day, she said, "let's go play". I replied I didn't feel like it. Why? I just don't. Why. I just don't. "I want to know why you don't want to". Can't you just drop it? I do not want to play. "I demand an answer!!. Ok the answer is, You have gained so much weight that you are not someone I care to make love to. Her reply, (which wasn't true), well you gained weight since I married you. My reply, was you lowered your standards, I didn't.
Cruel answer? probably, but true. Ya ever hear the joke about the guy who went to the doctor and said, "doctor, my wife just doesn't arouse me anymore.
That is not a joke.
My wife is a nice person, and I probably feel the same way your husband states. I have seriously considered divorce and am trying to figure out how to do it without bringing her world crashing down. If I divorced her, I would give her the $200,000.00 house we have, but she would have to sell it and pay off the mortgage, which would leave her approximately 90,000.00, but being the gambler she is, it would be gone in no time. Perhaps, you should take all the replys you get and sit down with your husband and discuss them.
I may be wrong, but my feeling is, that nobody is responsible for YOUR happiness but yourself. If you love the guy and being with him makes you happy, then you better get off your ass and start letting him know. The communication has to between you and him and not a bunch of strangers. They wont pay the bills after he is gone. Patrick
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