I am SOOOOOO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I am SOOOOOO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
| Wed, 10-01-2008 - 12:00am |
I posted a message today regarding info i saw on the net regarding my boyfriends ex girlfriend which stems back to 20 yrs ago,... i told him the site and said that i saw your ex's

To be honest, this sounds as though you've both got issues.
His behaviour is not acceptable.
According to federal US law, you are allowed to use whatever name you want whenever you want to as long as you are not doing it for fraudulent purposes (such as hiding from debt collectors, running away from the police, etc.) So she could have legally taken on his last name without marrying him. It makes sense that she may have done so if they have a child together, and she wants to share the child's last name.
I think you have a more serious issue on your hands though. Why are you making plans to marry him when you are having these issues? Is this really what you want for the rest of your life? Do you think these things will just go away after you are married? They won't. When there are problems like this before the wedding, if anything, things generally only get worse after marriage.
I just think you are making a very big mistake to even be considering marriage when there are times he drives you this crazy. Your number one concern should be figuring out how to end this so you don't have to continue going through the stress of this roller coaster ride for the rest of your life. If you really want to stick things out with him, then you need to get counseling. Although, if this pattern has been going on for four years, you need to realize it will probably take a couple of years of him being on good behavior to make sure things have really changed. Plus, there are no guarantees that he will ever change. Your best bet is probably to walk away from this relationship before you give him any more of your time.
I also don't know if you are thinking of getting married so you can have children with him. If so, I would urge you to think about what type of environment those children would be raised in. Don't think your children won't have to deal with his negative behavior because they will, and it will cause serious problems for them. It's just a very poor environment to bring children into.
I'm sure he will come back with sweet words of apology and try to make it seem like everything is okay again. Just don't let yourself get blinded into thinking you don't have this serious issue because you do. You may not remember how bad it is when times are good, but that doesn't mean the bad times aren't that bad. You deserve much better than this.
Here's another iVillage board that might offer you some insight:
Recognizing & Dealing with Domestic Abuse
I hope you are able to focus on you and your healing.