I asked HIM to leave
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| Tue, 10-21-2008 - 5:00pm |
how do i answer those who have seen us together for 7 and 1/2 years and now in my effort to get him to leave, what do i say to those people? the reason i have him leaving my house is that he is not contributing financially and has been unsuccessfully trying for all this time. i've told myself that i enjoy the companionship and that this is the cost of THIS relationship. he really needs to go away and get his act together.
we moved cross country to be near my family. well, i moved, he came with. it's been 2 years in the new place and i continue to enable him to free load off of me. that is MY personal business. he really needs in a nutshell to go and be by himself and get a grip on life. he COULD come back, but he is 60 and i don't think he'll change. now i've forced him to find/get or make some money. he is on his own.
i am a nuturer and have to bite my tongue - like he is moving to be a roommate in someone's house and i want to give him my extra sheets for the bed. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? as long as i enable him, he will continue to lean on me.
back to original question. what do i tell those who have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
sad,
peggy

"We were having a lot of problems and ultimately it didn't work out"
A relationship is no one's business, you don't need to give them a detailed explanation. The people who are closest to you will know the important stuff, and no one else needs to hear exactly what happened.
thanks for your response...problem is there is still this "hope" that once he gets his act together, he will be back. so we've talked about calling it a break not a break-up. what about we've separated? i have no problem changing the topic or saying i'd prefer not to disuss it.............
am i holding on to a false hope? i AM a fatalist, feel if it is meant to be, then it will................
Welcome to the board peggy3723,
7 1/2 years and especially the last 2 years he hasn't gotten his 'act together' so just what are you hoping will change?
denial....what you say is really true, thanks for that. my tough problem is trying to separate myself enough to breath and be realistic. it's a long time to be in denial and a long time to be very bf with someone.
thanks carrie,
peggy
It's wise to remember that you are doing him a favor to urge him to stand on his own and contribute financially. He can't feel very good about himself living off someone. Enabling never works in the long run.
You don't have to give all those people a full explanation. It's really your personal affair. Just say that you needed time apart. If they ask why, be general, say for various reasons. You need not say anything negative about him, or give any further details. If they keep probing, say you care for him and care about him, but this is what is best for now.
The rest is personal.
All good wishes,
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