I believe he's a closet drug addict

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
I believe he's a closet drug addict
6
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 11:12pm
For the last year and a half of our relationship, my ex fiance and I have been going back and forth about
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 5:33am

So marijuana isn't a dealbreaker for you, it's just something that makes you spy on your fiance from the window, chase him down in the garage, search the messages in his phone, and ransack the house for evidence? If you elevated it to the position of dealbreaker, you would be out of the relationship and have a chance to reclaim your dignity.

Misty, you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, and he doesn't want to stop smoking. He has made promises and broken them repeatedly; he will continue to do so. This is not something he does because he's stressed out, it's something he does because he wants to do it. He understands what you want, he chooses marijuana over you, and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change his mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 7:51am

You can do better.

People do get addicted to pot, expect this dude to fail in his career and be laying on the couch most of his life. I wouldnt want to compete with a bong and a bunch of joints. He is already addicted enough to be lying to you. Dont make the mistake of marrying him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 12:05pm

HI there misty,


<<He had a drug problem when he was a teenager, his family intervened and got him clean.>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 12:24pm

Welcome to the board mistyh1983,


He is not a closet drug addict. He is drug addict period. I think one of the main things that is hurting his ability to stop is that you gave him permission to smoke it in the past. Big mistake. Now he probably thinks that you will eventually give up and be okay with it. The fact is that he is an addict and he doesn't want to quit. They will hide it from you and then give you every reason under the sun why it okay that they do it and why they can't stop. Believe me, I know. Both of my parents were addicts. My dad died an addict and the only reason my mom stopped was because she was sent to prison for it.


If you really aren't okay with drugs, you need to end the relationship.


Sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 12:36pm

As usual I agree with geo entirely.

This either is, or isn't, a deal-breaker for you and you have to use the concept of a "deal-breaker" very wisely, and seriously, because that's exactly what it is. It's something where, if you find out that your standard is not being met, you leave with no questions asked.

Snooping on and chasing someone does absolutely nothing for you but depress you and exhaust you emotionally. You are chasing something that, once you catch it, there is NOTHING you can do with. Getting caught doesn't make him change, it only makes him better at hiding what you found.

You need to accept someone who literally runs from the idea of having a sober life as exactly who he is. There are far too many clean people out there to waste your time with an addict.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 12:47pm

'Dealing with the drugs is not possible '


You say that but you do otherwise, as you have proven since you have known him


Don't date this man. It is that simple.