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| Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:08pm |
He likes to throw a lot of parties, at one of the parties he said I got drunk and pushed him to the point he almost flew down the stairs, I have no recollection of this ever happening and it was DEFINTELY unintentional, and I kind of wonder how could I accomplish that since I am 110 pounds and he is 200 and not even remember it !!
At one of our latest parties he said his friends told him that I came-up to a girl and told her:” Back off he is my boyfriend" and later I shoved her and "leeched-on" to him. I got extremely upset because I know for a fact I wouldn't dream of saying this to anybody or shoving anyone, I said I was going to call and ask his friends why they are spreading these nasty stories, he called back in about 15 min. and said he talked to friend and it turned out he misinterpreted what originally said, apparently I was saying: What a great BF a have" and nothing nasty toward the girl, but he maintains I still shoved her and she almost lost her balance, although I do not understand how can I not remember it (the girl is twice my size, I am very thin).
I am freaked out because one of my best friends who I met in Jan. maintains that he is flat out lying to make me feel bad about myself, but I am more inclined to think that his friends are lying and he has immature and inconsiderate friends because it is inconceivable to me why he would be lying to me, plus he is a very sweet, nice, considerate guy who would do any favour for his friends no matter what they ask.
What kind of proof that my friend could be right is I remember a while back he told me one of my friends called him a name and asked me not to confront him (he didn't want to make my friend feel uncomfortable around him), so I didn't however later we broke-up for a couple of months and I asked my friend what the story was, and he said he never called my bf a name, I called one of my ex-boyfriends and asked his opinion on the matter, ex told me that he though my friend was great and could not imagine him calling anyone a name.
I do feel that for some reason when his friends are saying something bad about me he does not stand-up for me for some reason, and I do not know if it’s me who is loosing my mind and I need to see someone or…I don’t know, I haven’t had similar problem with my other boyfriends, this is the first time.
..but other than these factors my BF is a great guy who would do anything for me. Pls, help me to figure out who is right because my friend is angry with me for not believing my bf is lying, have any of you out there ever deal with these situations before ?
I am sorry this is so long...

Yes, this exactly is the scenario
sounds like he's trying to isolate you so you won't spend too much time around his friends for fear they may slip and let you know how much of an @ss he truly is. next time he says, "so and so told me this," tell him to call so and so and you talk to them directly. something tells me he won't do it.
this guy is bad news, plain and simple. either he surrounds himself with conniving people (which says what about him?) or he's playing some kind of game with you as a means of control.
My ex and I obviously broke up (I'm not suggesting that is the answer for you) and I'm still left wondering why he would believe all of the stories or make them up and also, Why didn't any story contain a part where he stood up for ME?! Why did he listen to all of this crap and never once stick up for me?
I think thats what you should be thinking about also. Shouldn't your boyfriend have your back and believe in you?
Good Luck
Your BF comes and tells you that his friend told him about some horrible thing that YOU have said and done. You never did or said the thing.
Also, your BF tells you that you DID things that you don't remember doing (like pushing him) and that you would never do anyway.
How can you believe that his friends are the problem? He is obviously the problem. Either he is a compulsive liar, or (more likely) he is playing head games as a means of controlling you. he is probably feeding lies to his friends about you as well.
Either way, this is one big fat red flag if I have ever seen one. I encourage you to stay away from someone you cannot trust. It may get worse: he seems to be working to undermine your self confidence until you won't trust yourself any more.
'I am more inclined to think that his friends are lying and he has immature and inconsiderate friends because it is inconceivable to me why he would be lying to me,'
Well this could be a rationalization to convince yourself that he is a great guy.
Have a heart to heart with him and find out what is going on.
You are actually in a rather dangeous, crazy making situation. This is nothing to play around with. You are being told negative things about yourself and others, you are doubting your own sense of reality and self worth. It is crucial that you find out the truth here. You "must" confront these friends directly and ask them if they said these things. From what you say in your email, there is a good chance your boyfriend is "lying". When you asked to question his friend awhile ago, he quickly changed his story. When you asked a friend of yours, they also denied this. If, in fact, he is making this up, get away from him immediately. His behavior is not only pathological, very sick, but is very destructive towards you. .and can create a kind of paranoia in you Despite his other good qualities, he is playing a dangerous head game - that not only can destroy your sense of self worth, but
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