I broke up w/her. she wont come back
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| Sat, 11-10-2007 - 2:11pm |
We were together for 1.5ys. We were very happy and she was CRAZY about me. I broke up with her 3 months ago because i needed some space. i needed my independence. especially before getting married to this girl. but i just told her that i wanted to break up. she was devasted and cried and cried to me. i was certain with my position. We continued to speak for 1 month when she started to disappear. thats when i wanted her back. i suddenly realized how much i loved this girl and what i had in front of me. she started getting VERY cold and then i found out she met someone. they were already "hanging out" after only 1 month or so... he was "really nice to her" and showed chivalry and suddenly i was "really bad to her" and all our memories were replaced with negative times. but she said that I was reading into things and she was "only hanging out" with him. she told me "she just needed time" and that "when she was ready, I wasnt and now that im ready, she isnt." this was immediatly followed by several weeks of my groveling to her, over the phone, crying, pleading with her to come back. to no resolve... she became even colder and spiteful, it would seem. i felt she had a vengence. she would occasionally send a text or instant message but nothing special.
I asked her to just to say "I dont ever want to talk to you again" or "i dont want to ever be with you" (so i could get some closure) but she wouldnt! she would just say "i dont know" or "i dont know what to say"
this continues till this day. it is now month 3 and she is staying with her new friend. she really doesnt call me anymore. she wrote me an email recently, after i told her i had to move on also and that i was going to date someone. she was jealous and asked questions. she emailed me
""""I have to be completely honest with you; I can't be your friend...at least not right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm glad you are going out with girls and dating, but I really don't want to hear about it. You were the one I wanted to marry and have babies with (you have been the only one that I have felt that way about...EVER!) I really don't want to hear about how you are moving on, hents why I don't like to tell you whats going on in my life. Its not easy to hear therefore I don't want to share it with you. (I never wanted to say anything that would make you sad or cry) I have to admit you made me cry today at work. I had to leave my desk and one of the attorneys followed me outside and asked if I was alright. That's great you are dating a few girls, but you know that I fell hard for you and then you were gone and I was dealing with it alone. I'm in no way asking you to wait for me, I would never ask that of you, but please don't think I am jaded or an unforgiving person. You know I tried very hard to keep US together. The relationship I am in right now made me realize I shouldn't have to work to make the relationship work...and it really makes me sad about you and me. But then again the hard work was worth the year we were together. You know you had my heart and yes you will always have a piece of it. It has been bruised and scared, but I am now looking at them as a learning experience.
I hope nothing but the best for you in life and your career...I have always felt that way. You know I have love for you and that will not change, but I'm not in the situation to be in love with you. I hope this does not upset you in any way...""""
she says:
her: (11:52:03 AM): When you broke up with me you forced me to get over you. And you cant say you werent breaking up with me and only taking a break. I cried and cried on the phone with you. If you really felt that you werent breaking up with me you would have fixed things then
her: (11:52:44 AM): so by you breaking up with me, you forced me to move on
her: (11:52:59 AM): even though you had other plans in your head, I had to move on
her: (11:55:45 AM): and now you make me feel guilty
is there any hope after acting so needy? our last convo was on the cheerier side (we shared some laughs) but i did ask her a bunch of needy questions. i have since gone NC:
me (11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still wish we worked out?
her (11:24:32 AM): yes
her (11:24:37 AM): but it didnt work out that way
me (11:24:28 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would you have come back too me if u hadent met him?
her (11:25:22 AM): yes
her (11:25:25 AM): probably
me (11:26:10 AM): do you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place?
her (11:26:42 AM): no
me(11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still wish we worked out?
her(11:24:32 AM): yes
me(11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
her(11:29:59 AM): yes, but I dont know if that would happen
her(11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
her(11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
me(1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still miss us
her(1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
her(1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
her(1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
me(1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would u want to reconcile us?
her(1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
me: (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would u come back to me?
her:I already answered that
her: you know I would
THIS WAS OUR LAST CONVERSATION
I dont know if this is BS or what shes doing... stringing me along?? giving me false hope?
She would come back if she wasnt commited??
Im so confused and depressed over this. I just dont know what to think! Ive never been such a baby with my emotions over this but she has my heart and I want her back!!
so i know she wanted time early on and i didnt really give it to her. is the recent NC going to change anything?
It's been 8 days NC... and im going crazy. please help me get her back. does NC really make her miss me more or just separate us further??? its so hard to breath

Hi Ryan, I'm sorry you are going through this.
However, I don't think you understand her messages.
It sounds like you hurt her very deeply.
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes
Well, you need to get out of the "oh woe is me look at what she's doing to ME" mindset.
You were the one who left her because you wanted to date other people. You knew she fell hard for you, and apparently you thought it would be okay to take some time off from her, see other girls, and then fall right back into where you were. That was a foolish mistake and you won't be the first man to make it. If you're going to break up with someone, you have to do it under the pretense that the breakup is for good. You expected her to wait around while you had your fun and come right back when you called her. Well... That didn't happen.
Now you're asking her to lie to YOU so YOU can feel better about the breakup. What about her feelings? Why don't you take into account what SHE wants for once, and stop selfishly believing that she's stringing you along by being honest about how she feels? She still has feelings for you of course, and maybe at this point in her life she can't imagine being without you, but she's not coming back, and you need to accept it. You broke her heart so you could have a taste of freedom. I hope you have no regrets because it looks like this girl is gone.
Welcome to the board Ryan,
You've already gotten good advice, I just wanted to add, I agree that she's not stringing you along.
I'm with the others too.