I can't communicate!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
I can't communicate!
3
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 12:25pm
Hello,

I am in desperate need for relationship advice. I have a serious problem with communication. I can't seem to talk about what I'm feeling or why I do the things I do. I stayed in an unhappy marriage for 5 years because I could not tell my husband that I was unhappy and I ended up being unfaithful to him. In every relationship all the fights are about me not being able to communicate. I am currently in a relationship with an awesome man, and when he tries to talk to me and ask me questions about what's wrong and what I'm feeling I can't answer him. It's like my mind freezes up, I can't think and I can't talk. I just sit there and say nothing. I don't know why I do this. I always say I will change and communicate better, but when it comes down to it I can't seem to do it. It's not that I don't want to it's like I don't know how. How can I get over this and communicate with my partner? I don't want to have another failed relationship because of this. I am in love with my boyfriend and don't want to loose him. Thanks for your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 12:44pm
Communication is easy....say what you think, and tell him what you feel.

Your problem is that you're afraid what you think and feel is not going to be what he wants to hear and won't get you the results you want to get.

Stop trying to read his mind....and start opening your mouth to discuss what is on yours.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 1:02pm
Ok, you've identified the problem - lack of communication. Now you can continue on your own and struggle with it, or you can try it figure out either like Erin says open your mouth and do it - or with professional help.

My guess is that you are AFRAID to share your feelings because of (mulitple choice - try to think of other reasons as well as these) 1) if you share, you are afraid someone will get angry with you, 2) you feel someone else's feelings are more important than yours, 3) you are shut down emotionally and aren't in touch with how you *really* feel about most things.

So get thyself to counseling.....or take a communications class. If he's willing have him go with you to the counseling.

My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 2:10pm
Sounds to me like your real problem is fear of intimacy rather than lack of communication. The lack of communication is just a symptom of a larger problem in your relationships. You need to get over your insecurities, whatever they may be and trust your partner in order to nurture the relationship.

You have identified the symptom but not the acutal "problem" as to why you fear intimacy. When you determine what you are afraid of then you will be able to communicate and move forward.