I can't deal with this

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
I can't deal with this
11
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:56am
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I met my current boyfriend about 6 months ago, although we had been coworkers 10 years earlier, so we had known each other previously. I had just broken off an engagement six months before we met due to lying/possibly cheating, etc. I was very bitter and angry at the time, and knew that a new relationship was probably a bad idea. But, of course, I was smitten, and we fell hard for each other. I made the mistake of confiding in my new boyfriend about my previous relationship, the lack of trust, the ways he hurt me, etc. Saturday I received the news that my ex-fiance was in the hospital with a brain tumor, and was going into surgery, and could possibly not make it. I was really torn up on what to do. On the one hand, he hurt me, but on the other hand, it was a possibility that I might never speak to him again, and things were left on bad terms. I did what I thought was the right thing, and went to see him in the hospital. After seeing him, all the anger I had felt about his "sins" in our relationship disappeared. I just don't care anymore. I have no intention of getting back together with him, and I doubt we will even keep in touch, but I think we were both relieved to put the anger behind us. New boyfriend is flipping out. He is accusing me of lying, because apparently when we first started dating I said that I would NEVER have married the fiance (which was probably what I was feeling at the time, but I don't remember saying it), but now I admit that there was a time that I did consider it, and the new boyfriend says he feels betrayed and "played." I don't understand this. He has broken up with me because he says he cannot trust me now. Because six months ago I said something and now my perception has changed? Do I owe new boyfriend an apology????? He broke up with me over e-mail, at work, and is calling me a liar. What the hell do I do? At this point, I don't feel that I have to justify my feelings, and think the whole thing is ridiculous. I tried to reassure him how much I love him, and that I would never go back to the ex, but he is adamant that I am lying about the past and can't be trusted. I am also very angry that he has abandoned me at this time. I don't plan on mourning the ex for a lifetime, but I think I'm allowed a few days to be upset. I don't even know that I could take the new boyfriend back now, since he has displayed a complete lack of compassion or understanding for me. Am I wrong to think this is crazy?????????????????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 9:10am
Thank you both for taking the time to put so much thought into that response. It hit me hard. At this point, he doesn't want any contact with me, and, well, that's just fine. I'll deal with it on my own. I had hoped that he would come around, tried to explain that I didn't lie or make up stories (this is what he is saying), but he won't hear it. Not much else I can do at this point but just deal with it. I think what hurts the most, aside from the abandonment, is the attack on my character. Calling me a liar. I believe you are right, that in his mind I am lying. I can't be in a relationship with so much mistrust, and lack of understanding. He is a good guy, but not the right guy for me.

Thanks, again, for your insights. I hadn't considered it from that angle.

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