I can't figure out what he meant......
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| Sun, 03-09-2008 - 10:01pm |
We have been dating seriously since October 2007. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I thought it would be nice for us. We currently live 5 hours away from each other, so we only spend time together maybe twice a month (on the weekends). We have lots in common, love spending time together... etc. etc. We have seriously discussed me relocating to his city, so we could be together and closer. Everything seems great until.... at the end of February his grandmother passed away. He and his whole family returned to their home state (they moved off when my guy was little) for a few days. The night before he left, we talked briefly and he seemed out of sorts (to be expected). I decided not to call him for a while, so he could focus on this and his family. Six days go by, and I haven't heard from him yet. I call just to see how he is doing, and to let him know that I am sorry and want to help out if I can. I can tell he is still out of sorts, and stressed. He just got back into his city and is tired as well. We made plans (before the death) for me to spend a week in his city so I could check out some apartments (for moving) and so we could spend some time together. I mentioned our plans for the next week, to be sure that he would feel up for it. He tells me that he has spent the last few days really thinking about everything.... his life, his political viewpoints, religion, etc. He says that he doesn't know if he wants to see me... ever. He isn't sure if he can be with me, or anyone right now. He explains that his entire family is thinking about moving back to their original state, and he will be alone in his current city. He says he cares for me, but he looks at me in a different light now. I kinda panic, and ask him not to do this over the phone. I pleaded with him to let me come on down there next week, so we could discuss our relationship and the things he has been thinking over. He says that if I have to, then he will see me so we can talk. He says that he can't promise that he will change his mind. I ask him how I should view our relationship for the time being, and he told me for now to still think of him as my boyfriend. I told him that I would call him. But I haven't yet. I don't understand what went wrong, or why he has "changed his mind about me". Should I call him? Or just let him know when I get down to his city and in my hotel room? Does he just need some space... or is he really gonna dump me? I still think I am gonna move down there, bc I have already started the process of transferring. But, he is the only person I know down there. I really think we have something special. PLEASE HELP!! I AM IN A PANIC!!!

I know this is very upsetting to you, but please realize that you don't know him that well. You've only been dating for 5 months and
Welcome to the board skycladnights,
Grief is a powerful emotion and in the wake of her death is family is now considering moving, he's feeling abandoned by his family on some level. He may move, get there, heal and decide he made a mistake. They say not to make major decisions when someone close has passed on.
He may never get to the point of the relationship that it was before his grandma died.
Welcome to the board skycladnights,
He is going through a lot right now and is really stressed out. I think it would be best if you postponed your visit to see him for another week or two to give him to some time to figure things out for himself.
I also agree with the poster that said that you have only been together for 5 months and only seen each other twice a month so you don't really know each other that well. You could just now be getting to know the "real" him.
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