I can't seem to get past it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
I can't seem to get past it
1
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 2:33pm
I met my current boyfriend last year during my freshman year of college. I wasn't really looking for anything at the time, so when he persistently pursued me I was flattered but not really too serious about it. I knew he had recently broken up with his long distance on and off girlfriend who he only got to see for about a week at a time every few months. They had an open relationship. I repeatedly asked him if he was really over her, and asked him if I wasn't just the rebound girl. He assured me that wasn't the case at all. He finally wore me down however, and we had the "are we exclusive talk". I told him then I didn't mind waiting or being casual about our relationship, but he said he wanted to be committed. This was about a month and a half after we started seeing each other. So then what happens? I start to fall for the guy hardcore. For three months, everything is great. But then things start to get a little harder. For the rest of the school year, he was steadily shutting down, and acting distant. In the end, when we finally had to breach the question of whether we were to stay together over summer, he admitted to not being over his ex-girlfriend. I was angry and extremely hurt. We broke up, and I didn't talk to him for the duration of the summer, except for two e-mails back and forth that he initiated. I had no idea if he had gone back to her or anything. When we finally returned to school, I felt very good about it. I had spent a lot of time traveling and getting over him, and I finally felt back in control after that serious blow to the ego. But when we returned, he told me he wasn't over me. He told me he had made a mistake, and he wanted to get back together. He was quite the mess, while I was having a great beginning of the year with all my friends. I finally asked him about his ex-girlfriend and he told me she had rejected him because she wanted to be single for her first year of college. I in no way wanted to feel like second best, but after a few months, he continued to seem like he had really changed. He was so much more, for lack of a better term, grown-up. The kind of guy anyone would want. All the qualities he had lacked last year, he has now. So, against my usual judgement, I decided to give him another chance. And it has been incredible. He has been so great and loving and caring. He's funny and smart and affectionate. A complete turn around, and I truly am so happy. The problem is, I can't seem to get over his ex-girlfriend, even though he clearly and truly has. She is gorgeous and has a great body and I just can't seem to get over the feeling that she is better than me. I'm the one obsessing about her now. I hate that I do it, and I just wish I could forget about her and be happy with my life. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 7:49pm

Welcome to the board irisheyes373,


Why are you comparing yourself to her?