I can't stop hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
I can't stop hurting
5
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 7:06am
My husband just informed me that he doesn't know if he still wants to be married to me and he confessed to having a brief affair. We have been drifting apart for the last two years. We stopped talking, we stopped doing fun stuff together, we just stopped being there for each other. To top things off I am 8 weeks pregnant. I want to use this as a huge wakeup call and make the marriage work but he doesn't know if he wants to. We have an appointment with a marriage counselor next week. But if he doesn't want to try what good will it do? I can't stop crying and feeling depressed. I have lost 5 lbs in the last three days and can't sleep. This is not good for the baby but I can't help it. How do I cope if my marriage is over and I am going to be a single parent. My husband is a good man and won't abandon his child or the responsibilities that go along with that. He just wants to abandon me. Help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 9:02am
*hugs* I feel your pain. I can't offer up much advice but I just want to say that marriage counseling is a great first step. I think it's a positive sign that he's willing to give it a try. To me that says he's not altogether giving up just yet. If he really wasn't interested in working things out he wouldn't make the effort to go to counseling with you. Take things one step at a time and please take care of yourself and that precious little baby inside of you. That baby needs you and is depending upon you. Dig deep and you will find the strength to carry on for that baby. Good luck to you.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:03pm

huge hugs to you! as hard as is it for you -please try to calm down and relax, and make sure you get some nourishment into you! your baby's wellbeing is at stake here, and whatever happens in your life - its not worth your little precious baby's life....


glad to hear that you have an appointment for a counselor and that your husband will go with you. therapy is not 'magic' and you will both have alot of work to do - to talk and to listen to each other, but its REALLY a good thing.


and if you do end up a single parent? trust me, there are worse things that could happen in life. i understand this is not what you wanted, but sometimes things happen and we need to deal with them


good luck and keep us posted

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:11pm
Im sorry for what you're going through, I can't imagine the stress and upset you're going through. I hope you keep strong. I also hope you didn't purposely try to have a baby to try and save your relationship. Wether or not he goes to couseling, you should go for yourself, you'll need all the support you can get going through a difficult time like this. I'm sure he's just going through some sort of "mid-life crisis" type thing, and hopefully reality will hit and things will work out, but you need to get yourself ready for whatever may come your way, like raising your child as a single parent. Good luck, and keep strong.

*ezizabef*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 10:58pm
Honey I feel so sad for this situation but not for you. I really understand the problem you are going through but life is beautiful and there is only one life to live. Please take care of that beautiful creature that will replace all the hurt that you have had in your life. I believe that god send you the baby as a gift to show you that if you loose something its because something greater is coming along. Let all the bad feeling go out of you heart because your baby needs you more than anybody else. I want to show you some prayer that God wrote for each individual.

God said you are my miracle, you are strong, capable, intelligent and full of gifts and talents. Do not be afraid of a new life. Never regreat or hurt. Never complain. How can you be afraid if you are my miracle.You are unique. No body is like you. Its only in you to accept the way to happiness please confront it and contiue towards the future. I made you free. You have the power over all the things.I gave you the power to think, to love, to determine, to smile, to imagine, to create, to plan, to pray, and i gave you power of election. I gave you the domein to choose your own destiny. What have you done with that power? you don't care. From now on forget the past and use the knowledge to decide. Choose to love instead of hate, to smile instead of cry, to create instead of break, to live instead of die. I am by your side always and waiting for you to love you. Forget about the feeling of weakness and learn to live the moment. Each time you live without me will a loss of peace. Do never forget that you are my miracle and i gave you your life. Change your feelings for good and be optimistic without been scared......Why? Because I am always by your side. God Bless you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:14am
Well things have not gotten any better. I keep trying to talk to him. He just told me that he thinks we are past the point of no return. Tyring isn't going to help. He is unhappy and doesn't want to be here any more. He wants to move out but is going to wait until after we talk to the marriage counselor. I think the only reason he is going is to make sure I am o-k (and only because of the baby) not because he wants to save the marriage. He says we need time apart to see if we really love each other. Will giving him the space drive him farther away or bring him back to me?

I know I have really messed up. I didn't know how to be a wife. I never knew what people said when they said you have to work at a marriage. I thought things would just coast along. I didn't realize you had to work at is every single day. I look back at all the stupid things I did, its no wonder we are where we are. Why did we stop talking and being each others best friends? How do you let this happen with someone you love?